Rotgrind - Narrative Declaration

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are you ready for another exciting episode of
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what's that raspberry beatboxing
hi chat it's so good to see everybody i would like to take a little bit of time though if you
guys it's kind of improv to kind of congratulate thurston he has been promoted to be uh is it
creative director now of star finder over at pie managing creative director
creative director and make me manage people you can type uh i think collapse or something or
clapping or something at twitch actually doing a motor so yeah but congratulations thurston we're super
proud of you yeah there's too powerful to be here anymore he's going home
fuck you so bad i have ascended goodbye i'm only working in the stars now fuck all of you
yeah especially you hulky because i just pick on you goodbye i didn't do a fucking do anything but
you know what you're better than me now so i can't fucking yeah he's he's going on to pants
matt mercer now honestly there's not even a pay raise involved there's just hulky just or i'm sorry
uh thurston now just floats off of his chair like uh the guy from uh no what's the guy the
like the like uh lowry from mystery the druge oh no but yeah we wanted to um get a spot like that
or so thurston and his partner husband really uh to tell stories have been part they have been
busting the butt off and everything else and they've come back from before flood and everything else so
we just wanted to show our appreciation uh they've been busting their ass off and everything so thank
you to both of you because they also busted their butt off trying to get today's episode ready so
next time you see them in uh discord and stuff like that please show them some appreciation the uh
they do a crap ton of work here for narrow declaration so thank you to both of you uh but with that uh i
want to introduce you to the amazing players that bring you rock grind starting off with odoroshi
hello it's me odo you can find me on twitter at odoroshi writer uh i am also in your home i am flooding
your basement uh i did it again i'm sorry thurston i did it again uh i'm also playing uh volley the
sylph swashbuckler and next up we have hulky crow that's me i'm hulky crow at hulky crow uh enjoying
the unending ever climbing humidity of this time of year and getting ready to celebrate some special
times this upcoming week and i will be playing the kanrasu cleric rahua
and then next up we have the amazing erendil hello i am erendil erendilio i write for alphabusa
and do other things as well and i am playing as baldrick the alchemist he's he's not actually a
gorilla but he is a guerrilla which means that he attacks you now and nobody else on key mode thank you
and we have the ever revolutionary speaker d yes it is me speaker d one two three no more rhymes
uh i am going to be playing the revolutionary cyborg known as tanhauser the powerful magus
and if you want to find me on twitter you can find me at super snake kick and you know i do stuff for
alphabusa and i every single time i do my intro i completely reorder the order i say my things
of course we also have the one who will cause us rot causes pain but also brings us joy
the ever and that's yes thurston hillman oh hello hi my name's uh thurston hillman on call gm
and zorin just pointed out i am now the managing creative director for the starfinder role-playing
game uh so if you're interested in like pathfinder in space and in the future uh i work with a cool
team of people to bring you that game so that's pretty neat um and i play everybody else in this
uh god's forsaken campaign and i can't wait to impart a whole bunch of new npcs on everybody starting
today smile and i am your host zon the bear i'll be playing oran the strix druid i can fly now because
we're all level five yeah we leveled up and stuff we're all level five and we me and thurston had to
have like a handshake agreement that i will not be breaking the game that i can now go up so
hopefully we can hopefully thurston will not smite me and just randomly roll of you took this much
lightning damage and then i die uh but if you want to help me not die and stuff or help out the other
players not die uh one way you can do for the live stream or if you're listening to this on podcasts
or on on youtube and stuff over here on twitch uh where we first broadcast this and gets brought to
everybody else uh chat could help out uh for people who do bit donations not direct donations
only bit donations on twitch if you do hashtag the player's name which you can conveniently see all
of our player or the uh characters names you do the characters names that you type it in hashtag like
for me you'll do it for me you do hashtag oran with your bit donation and then and it fills up my
little bar it takes 2500 points uh that basically give us one hero point which allows us to re-roll
d20 results and a little bit of that donation like the full thing still goes in the bar but
but about 30 percent of that goes to thurston where thurston gets felon points in which he uses that
for the enemies so they need to re-roll a d20 result or so he gets to re-roll the d20 result
in which sometimes it helps us and other times absolutely ruins us turns a normal roll into a crit
failure and since crit failing is a thing in pathfinder second edition we can do a lot more damage to us
so it's going to be very interesting and with that if you also like to everything that we do here if
you are a patreon member uh you can also do stuff called our complication system you can submit
complications and stuff over at patreon.com four slash narrative declaration where when we do roll
a natural one you mess us up even more basically we get punished even more either in a fun narrative
way or in a fun mechanical way so if you are interested in messing us up even more and punishing us
if you are a patreon member on that uh tier then you're able to mess with us so with that
i think that's mostly the spiel this is technically season two so congrats guys we made it uh thurston
do you have anything for us today def well zorn well zorn somebody once told me
the world is gonna roll me the world is gonna roll me i ain't the sharpest tool in the shed
i told you season two is gonna be a short one everyone
all right all right all right today our destined band of chuckle fucks begin a new adventure as
zorn goes to the bathroom sponsored by a mysterious divine power our adventurers cannot die yet there
are fates worse than death with a young druid oran and the shipless sky pirate volley infected with
a nefarious malady known as the rot in the aftermath of our group's recent exploits in the
ancient city of outset they defeated a prominent leader of the city's depraved self-appointed law
a martinet of the tyrant's guild with vali's rotten infection spreading even further after her fall in
that battle the group now has two problems first they've killed a senior official in outset and need to
lay low before the authorities find them second they need to learn about the rot that afflicts them
lest it take over their minds and souls luckily both problems have a similar answer the swamps of the
solitude that border outset it is said that somewhere in the swamps reside the adherents of the elemental old
powers who have combated the rot since its appearance with their primal energies thanks to the pc's own
research the gargoyle duhakis um they thanks to the the pc's own researcher the gargoyle duhakis the
pc's now know that these twang folk of the deep swamps could have clues necessary to help vali and oran
overcome their affliction also swamp is a great place to lay low from the heat nothing could possibly
go wrong here so with that um it has been roughly two days since you have exited the city of outset you
who've put the city behind you having snuck out under the cover of darkness in a caravan uh that
just took you onto one of the the southern paths leading to the the port um the port of torort however
you had exited the caravan having having paid off its um its operator to just get you outside of the city
from there you were looking to make your way uh to a trading post called zap's trading post having uh
been informed of the location by by baldrick who has some sort of contact in that location however the
trading post is still just off the beaten path south of outset and it has taken you in a winding path
through the swamps of the solitude
again it is this is your second day of travel things have been difficult at best i am going to uh to
ask anyone who has survival trained please give me a survival check let me see if i have survival trained
uh i have nothing so volley's probably just up to her knees in mud complaining i have survival trained
or enrolled and got a 31 for this survival check epic i roll a 20. so oran is still winning
okay perfect um so as as you are able to uh to maneuver through you're you're doing okay um
specifically with with those skill checks baldrick you're able to find enough food and shelter like
from from from the elements to basically subsist as as you're traveling uh oran you're you're way more
at home in this natural environment and not only do you you know find enough subsistence for yourself
but you also have you know enough food and shelter that you can you can um successfully accommodate one
other member of your party oran has like a pile of like bugs and like isopods and like all like
mixed together and like this mud cake and stuff and he looks to his friends like having an eternal
debate with himself go like who am i gonna feed first but only one's gonna live so so he's like
debating hard over it and he like freezes with the choice of who will live and who will die
as as you are you are carrying on your walk down these sort of morass-y paths with the occasional
small like wooden wooden bridge that's no more than like five feet apart several planks rotted out
uh there are still paths where you are right now which is good and baldrick seems to have
a rough understanding of of the direction you're going towards this trading post if i still remember
the path it should be somewhere up ahead around this time of month i usually swing around from
damn settlements are always on the move i don't know a whole lot i'm just going off of what i
remember from last uh last time i was down here could i assist baldrick uh yeah absolutely absolutely
those survival checks you had before were um were primarily like how you were doing like subsisting
in the wilderness if you want to make a different set for um like on this day actually like traveling
and tracking absolutely i will allow it so can i can i say because can i also say that
because baldrick has been down here before and he interacted with a guide previously can he try to
roll a memory of some kind trying to remember what he was told yeah what i'll do is i'll let you do
do a survival test but i don't mind is that sorry you can just roll a 33 with a nat 20. yeah uh or gets
a natural 20 33 total on the roll uh to help look for tracks and evidence of where people would
naturally be traveling through the uh road to this trading outpost that's the logic if you allow it okay
so at this point i assume baldrick is kind of like well i remember and then like every time he says
he remembers something orin points it out it's like it's this way there's a signpost right here
moves an entire brush it's right here mr baldrick trading post little little arrow
yeah but that signpost moves around is it faced up or down
or and just goes to the right side of it there's another signpost it looks way newer with better
materials oh this one's right mr baldrick is pointing to the right okay so they've been here
through here recently good yeah you can kind of tell because this old one uh here he goes to the older
signpost and you've noticed that it started to sink into the ground a lot it's like maybe at half the
height the other one is how many of these side posts are there my god yeah the this one here is
newer which means that they're just up this way i think uh either way we got a path you're saying
that these signposts are redundant what i'm saying is that they lay down these signposts so you can find
the trading post which is almost always on the move one thing i remember from what my contact said is
that well places out here in the swamps they tend to not be very permanent right but this sign he
points at the old one and this sign have the same information and they're right next to each other and
one of them is old and sinking into the ground is that correct yeah but by the time that one's halfway
down that one's gonna be completely gone well then there's still time and i'm gonna take out a
propaganda poster from my backpack and i'm just going to start nailing it to the sign that's halfway
down the swamp it just says like rise against your oppressors join hand in hand with the blood red
revolution kill the rulers of outset and it's kind of like probably like nice red poster with like a
cartoony tanhouser gripping a molotov comes up the tanhouser uh and go like mr tanhouser
yes oren how can i help you you can't be doing that here why why not you can't use nails someone
could it might fall off and so we'll trip on here i'll help you put the poster out to go like mud and
stuff on it it helps plaster it up yes he looks back at rahua he looks like rahua like rahua can you get
this top part uh sure sure i can rahua will just on rover to start crunching it onto the signpost you
know i don't think this is probably the best idea to be advertising where we are you know what do you
mean down with the government right mr townhouser there's no way that any of them are ever going
to be able to find us volley says looking over her shoulder and seeing the line of red posters that
lead through the underbrush directly to our current position now as you say that because fate is a cruel
cruel mistress all of those red posters start to disappear as a thick fog uh begins to to settle in
this area oh geez and you can see from the like from all around this this fog seems to be settling
in this area almost like a soup in the air it hasn't quite like overtaken where you are but you can
almost see it coming from every direction now that was bad to happen uh probably get moving we
don't want to be caught out here is this gonna be safe to breathe baldrick that should be most
people around here only wear masks because of the bugs may oran roll a nature check to make sure the
fog is not going to be ominous or dangerous yeah sure okay also recall knowledge about spoopy fog
absolutely i'd love some assistance with my 31 roll god damn you god yeah i was like ah or it will be in
nature you're eating all our good rolls you certainly need a place for who is over time in the swamps
i'd be happy to assist with a third for christ's sake i look forward to not having nature boys
the swamp itself is is quite untainted unlike outset where death lingers around every corner because
of pollution out here the death comes in the form of insects numerous wildlife swamp folk but not the
air the air is actually quite clean if maybe not tinged by the pungent scent of methane you can hear
baldrick breathing deep glad to get out of the city air i look at this place and i see only one thing
mosquitoes fog good can't see shit otherwise just follow the damn path and we can follow the wheel treads
i would like to put mud on my face and like on my hands and stuff you may not i'll look at everyone
else and go like what what what's the problem this is the make sure the predators don't smell me
we're not that deep into this swam board and you don't have to worry about that yet what about the
glugaclob the what the glugaclob it's it's a giant thing with like tentacles and stuff and it snatches
you and stuff it gets your scent uh thurston can i roll a uh
stealth no uh can i leave
can i roll a stealth to just like go down the road following the tracks
yeah here's what we're gonna do i'm gonna i'm going to um move you up a little bit ahead uh well
okay i'm gonna move you a little bit up ahead uh my good friend um my good friend baldrick and
then i'm gonna bring us over to a fancy map in which you're going to be in the uh the bottom
left corner of this map um and you will see that you are you are quite surrounded by by a heavy dense
fog uh and in fact it's obscuring much of your vision uh for this since you know it's hard to tell
what's going on things are looking fairly uh fairly dense around you in terms of the fog i
am going to to make this a bit easy put you all into uh initiative and um in this case uh baldrick if
you would like you may roll stealth for initiative and the others you can i'd probably say um perception
unless you have some other specific skill that you're really thinking would be appropriate maybe
in nature but that that would possibly be about it uh honestly my perception's like better for this
oh man i fucked it 16. oh wow yeah nice oh my god am i gonna be at the top of the initiative score
unless orin blows me out oh my god i'm at the top of the initiative score even with my incredible
initiative fee that gives me a plus two and i got a 20 in my initiative uh did not get it bro yeah yeah but
i also have incredible initiative i i have like two stacking initiative bonuses and i concretely and
always get at the bottom third it's the best excellent i love it all about yeah um all right all right all
right i uh this is this is fun okay uh let me do a thing here
uh so here's like a billion rolls
no nothing happened what are you talking about i'm sure it's fine it's all just scare tactics nothing's
going on all those tokens and rolls just to make us a spook is thurston reviving a meme is thurston
reviving the kill him meme yeah yeah right it's fine kill him um it's it's fine anyway
once you're done moving all the invisible enemies uh thurston yeah yeah yeah i mean
i mean i mean that's absolutely not happening at all why would you ruin the mood of this excellent
okay i'm sorry i don't want to die my friend my friend baldrick um you are up ahead of of of your
your fellow party mates uh so the way that this works right now is everything in this fog is concealed
however your vision range is even uh even more uh like locked down you can only see about 10 feet
around you um which you know makes it difficult if you decide to run for further up from where you
are however this reminds me real quick because we didn't get a chance to really do this i wanted to
prepare some uh items before we left mm-hmm which is to say i wanted to prepare some bombs but i never
got the chance i i like i assume you've had time to prepare bombs okay so what i'm i just want to
quickly go over how many i'm preparing so you don't make me blow all my stuff on like quick maker quick
made stuff yeah of course can i really quickly make 12 alchemist fires using four of my uh imbued out
imbued things absolutely
well oh damn you one okay and i'm going to make that 12 yeah because i can make three i can make
three using uh what's it called i can make three using one charge
and i want to have as many of these as i can that puts me very high up on my encumbrance but not too high
okay um with that baldrick um though you'll you'll have those as you kind of start and you're you're
walking through this this morass um the rest of your companions here it's just about just just before
you do um but you start hearing something some kind of like some kind of musical instrument north of you
uh somewhere in like this direction like heading up north exactly how far who knows um but you're
hearing something that sounds maybe like like distant uh crying maybe horns
uh what would you like to do i am following i'm keeping my nose to the ground and i'm following
the trail on the road okay so feel free to take your your move actions one at a time yeah can i see the
road you can see what you can see in front of you so there's like a little road just kind of north of
you um it's fairly like muddled by the um by the fog the fog occasionally clears to give you like a
mission but you can tell it kind of goes to the east and starts curving a bit okay so which direction
is the are the tracks for this supposed trading post uh you're kind of heading like north but you can
tell the path is curving a bit to the east here and the tracks are following it correct yeah yeah yeah
it's a path that should be there essentially okay just check my movement again movement is 20 reduced
by five because of their armor so i'm gonna go there
two three that was 20. i'm assuming a perception will not help me see anything around but i'm really
if you want to what you can do is you can use perception um for for other actions so in there is like a
a seek action that you can specifically perform uh that allows you to basically spend one action
and what you could do is you could like use a 30-foot cone to sort of like focus on that direction to
give you a sense if there's like a creature there i'm focusing forward so i would like the cone to go
this direction okay shall i roll that um yeah give me a give me a check perpeption again perpeption yep
where the fuck are you perception there you are rolling uh i'll give you a 25.
you hear something in that direction uh you hear what's like the splashing of of water like
as something's displacing it then you hear this like
uh and then you also have like a faint tinge of something on the air
like that's a bowel smell it's familiar but you can't identify it
if anything it makes you think of your companions yeah i was gonna say hey guys let's catch up with
bodrick and the one starts plodding oh it's not your go yet oh sorry we're gonna initial my bed oh yeah
yeah yeah jumping the gun a bit that was your second action bulger what's your third
well i'm still i'm like actually moving with stealth so i'm probably not gonna be spotted
unless they also spot me and i wrote pretty well uh i'll tell you what i'm gonna move another 30
i'm gonna move another 20 up so to there
i realize i actually moved 15 before i wanted to move so i get one more five
two not not there there there we go
okay yeah i'm okay he's baldrick is crouching low and keeping hidden he's trying to stay in the reeds
without knocking them around too much would you say i'm still in stealth yes can you give me a fortitude
save please doomed
uh 21. okay um there is something there is like an absolutely horrible smell uh in the air and you can
hear the sounds have kind of gotten louder like this sort of again water splashing like
um yeah yeah so you you you you hear you hear that and now the air is like far more fragrant
it's only your constitution really that's keeping um keeping you
keeping you from like retching or vomiting however now you can hear the like that the horn the sound it's
this like haunting melody uh that that like hits hits your your ears and as you're hearing it you're
kind of like not like surprised but there's just a bit of like uh it kind of emboldens you a bit as
you hear this it's actually really good good horn music that you're hearing sort of off in the distance
of this fog still still to the north of you right so this smell now that i'm closer is it any familiar
any more familiar i should say i will allow you to give me a
i'm trying to think of what would be a good check here for i'll let you have i encountered it before
if so yeah give me a pers actually uh i'm gonna double check your skills because there might be
one here that's really appropriate but you don't have it of course no um so i'll let you give me
perception because that's kind of a catch-all in this case okay i was gonna try i was gonna say like
a recall test but that works too that it's i'm basically letting you use perception because the
skill you would need to properly recall this is not what you have so perception once more
uh 13 is not enough do i use my hero point yeah i'm gonna use it i'm gonna i'm gonna
re-roll using a hero point okay i'm not going anywhere anyway so yeah
yeah a little bit worse but it doesn't a little bit worse no you're like it's on the tip of your
tongue and that's the end of you around baldrick if you want to pass the i mean uh the old pass the
book again pass the pass that and we'll see what what comes out of the fog i'm stealth
oh yeah
yeah we can't actually turn the order yet because we don't have any counter active yet
no i passed it to someone in the fog it's fine it's someone in the fog went yeah volley i i took
i took the turn order and dropped it in the sewer okay okay so volley uh baldrick has kind of walked
off yeah the rest of your groups around you've started to hear this like this haunting uh melody
to the to the north of you some kind of like horn music intriguing uh don't like the sound of that
um i'm going to use my first action to just take a full moon yeah i'm at oh wait am i at 35
i shouldn't have panache checked right now
uh oh where's my they took away my little ticker box for panache
they took away my little box for panache weird anyway uh i think 35 feet is right anyway um
um yeah i'm just gonna move up start fanning out a little bit um
um second action so i i can i hear myself getting closer to this thing or would that require like
for me to stop and perceive um you could give me a perception check you could basically do a burst
that would be around you or like a cone in a direction if you want i want to explode yeah i'm
just gonna or the burst will be kind of shorter around you so okay i'll walking out into the into
the muck of the fog i'll press even a little burst around me just to see if there's anything particularly
nearby i like it uh i'll give you a 19. a 19 that's it's a pretty good roll
um yeah with a 19 you're not you're not hearing anything however i need you to give me a fortitude
save uh yucky
uh i'll give you a 24 on that you also smell this awfully repugnant stench that hits your nostrils
and you kind of recoil back um it it has again like this this familiar tang to it oh no is this
where they got the bear from session one oh no uh all right um i've got one more action
epic bear moment epic bear moments um i'm going to i'm gonna try and be a little sneaky i'm gonna
i'm gonna uh kind of i guess go into stealth kind of try and blend in with the fog a bit
um and try to kind of move a bit sneakily through it yeah give me a give me a stealth check
yeah and i imagine i wouldn't be able to move anymore if i stealthed oh well i'll let you like
basically move like sneakily as your next movement so i'll give you a natural 20. okay hi yeah so
basically you're gonna like like sneak into some some you're sneaking around essentially so yes um okay so
you can move up to half your speed okay up to half my speed that's gonna be to end up uh 35
doesn't divide by two so are we rounding down yeah around down in this case all right uh so that would
be 15. i'm gonna just start moving this away moving right along oh why am i paused because i paused the game
because you see something oh god i got flash banged you did you did at the corner of your vision as
you should have been stealthing i was stealthing uh you are stealth and this thing hasn't seen you yet
oh you see an immense bear this sign figure that you've seen before far more muscular and well built
than the ones that you saw in your first session in outset why is this bear been lifting this and like
the air the air around it is like a putrid kind of green with just stench that's rolling off of it
it's sniffing around clearly smelling you and just like
and you are hiding in the reeds here coming just up against the like a small puddle to your northeast
that makes movement around difficult oh i'm gonna shut myself all right i'm gonna end my turn very good
uh and there's no way to alert my friends what i've found uh unless i want to aggro it i mean i i i do
have some very bright pistols i can just start shooting with abandon oh yeah i really hope the rest
plan b advances stealthily look they did just all right passing my turn i i put myself in defense mode
okay um you baldrick by you you hear more splashing in water nearby i'm watching the water okay uh oran
uh volley and baldrick have headed off into the fog um now unlike because zoran you get special view
you can see what they can see however oran cannot uh would my beats being stormborn saying uh i'll only
get here would that allow me some purchase i believe in specific fog effects that i would
not allow me allow me to read let me read um this is which which ability is this that you have here
this is my feat of being a stormborn ah you are absolutely unaffected um so you can see some shadows
in the fog here um so you can see i'll kind of like in the immediate area uh you can see that there
are a grand total of uh let's see here um sticks figures in the fog immense kind of shadowed figures
moving about uh about the same stature as what you're seeing with volley can you give me a percent
actually wait you you rolled perception for initiative you got a 20 yeah sure uh you can
see that there are six bears moving about in this fog i assume i have a general location of like the
north into the right of a space yeah yeah so i will um i will i will give you a bit of a vision here
just so you can kind of so you can kind of see just i'll mark them basically yeah if they make it easy
you can just draw a circle somewhere yeah yeah yeah it's kind of what i'm thinking here um i want
to do it in a way though that you're actually going to be able to see so um because it's going to be
weird uh as you're doing that oran will look at ten hauser and rahua i think hulk is still
a problem offline right now but um look to them and say guys they're like guys wait wait before valley
and falder leave he'll look to dorsof's friends go like you don't know what danger they're in
what student what sort of danger you see that's an honorable point at generally where the one bear
that's like near valley there and he's like look at how it had the the grass and everything is kind
of deformed to that area and the fur might kind of blend in with the grass but that's a bear
a bear a bear six six bears i didn't think they were real
we we fought one together i thought well i knew they called it a bear but i didn't think it was
a real bear i i i've literally turned into one yeah well that's magic bear earther moment
i used to tell stories of bears by the campfire it's said that those creatures not often seen in
the desert yes hypothetically there is a number of bears that can kill anything on this planet
a theoretical number of bears known as the bear equation okay it's smart if you zoom out a bit i
want to see what this map looks like now because i've tried i've tried not bear
it's your vision okay okay so you can see the shadows of several bears and then something that is
not a pair it is a smaller like child-sized figure in the not bear area okay so uh if you want to
unpause it if you don't mind uh oran will oran be like come on just just follow my lead and uh he
will i would like to roll the stealth check to basically try to sneak up the volley so i can like
warn volley of her immediate danger
and he you're gonna go for volly and volly's like there's a bear beside me oran i know don't touch it
can i can i argue gonna make a solid argument that i can use nature to kind of like maneuver my way
through here stealthily knowing my way around you know around swaps and woods and stuff like that
if you're trying to get me to set a precedent of using nature to stealth in in in nature all the
time i'm not gonna let it fly doc oh come on no declare yeah you could narratively declare sure
what about survival holy shit something something weird just happened my computer monitor suddenly
got way brighter the power of the nearest what did you do all right well i'm gonna there's a flash
ring and everyone you're gonna allow me to break the game uh they're not allowed i'm not allowing you to
basically go i didn't take this skill okay well now to declare i'll sacrifice my hero point
and uh be like come on guys just follow my lead remember the mud come on put on your mud
my what no not you i'm not you yet volley no i'm not talking to you volley
oh okay yeah not yet okay tenhouser we gotta put on your mud put on your mud all right we'll be
quiet i'm going into stealth mode and i'll get on a prone and i'll start fucking solid snaking
through the underbrush as you do that don't forget your mud or we'll take a glob of mud just
just right in your face
we're role-playing damn it let us role-play i know i he just wipes
with his scarf and something there you go now you're stealthed
quit your bitching you're fucking up the brightness of my computer monitor awesome now that the mud is
on uh now that the mud is on uh tenhouser's face it's at that point that he pulls up the hood
therefore making the mud completely useless what what makes this annoying is that tenhouser has the
immediate next action so this is perfectly valid okay so as i as i roll do i get a mud bonus
oh for fun yeah take take your plus two goddamn mud bonus
yeah there's someone's like oh it's so great to be back with the crew until he was back with the crew
yeah now he needs another break secretly thurston hates us secretly this is this is pathfinder bdsm welcome to the game
wow damn all right i rolled on 32 on my nature check okay you can move full speed with a roll like that
one action to talk on my bullshit second action to move
yes yes i only had 25 movement so i'm gonna move up to here
okay so that's that's my sneaking thing can i from my distance can i successfully whisper
the volley or like communicate with volley without alerting the bears
uh what's that i'm gonna do something else for uh
uh okay without alerting the bears um
um yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah like you could you could uh you could make like a stealth a stealth check
to whisper to volley oh here's where it goes i have a plus three beautiful that's good that's a good
skill oh please roll orange orange sweats he copes he sees as he goes as he begins the whisper
and he gets a 12 and he goes hey volley there's a bear right there okay okay okay okay now
volley's head just like slowly turn like grinding metal sounds 27
while he just sees the bear's head towards orrin the like snapping open jaw cavity that's on its chest black
ichor dropping out as it like begins sniffing and sort of rising up in the direction that uh that orrin is
you are and i saw the bear i don't think he's noticed you yet
this is where tannos are like i charged the bear what
so the bear has identified our bird friend yes yes in the interest of avoiding the consumption of orrin nuggets
i will act well it's your go now dog so what you doing today we discover or bear number um
i draw my rapier and i charge
uh let's see can i get there in time you know what i'll do before you do anything i'm gonna cast a
little spell you might have heard of it it's called haste oh yeah yeah yeah i get the sense that we're
about to fight six bears i haste yourself i should buff before we fight six bears there you go you're
um can i use also activate my what is it my evil joker's trick laughing shadow um after that or do i
need to cast a focus spell sorry it's gonna how many uh how many actions it's two for the haste i think
it's one to activate arcane cascade i just need to make sure it's it's it's it's literally i've
just slept since last night yeah it's one actually do cascade so you do haste bam that you get into
your stance and yeah you're good but that'll be all your actions yeah yeah well i have enough up i
have an extra action because yeah that's right yeah you are able to move one so one stride so it's
gonna be one full movement yeah you're gonna get to the bear but you'll you'll be one okay cool and
with my shit activated i'm at 30 so i'll get to here where's the bear and then i turn and i assume i
see it and that's my time you see you see uh gosh do you see the bear from where you are you don't the
bear is outside of your vision wait i could have potentially oh i could have made it to here okay okay
then yes you can see the bear from there as you as you rush up i know i woke up and i look at volley
volley watch out there's a bear right there fucking hell this is all right we're gonna stop this is
her head in her hands just like oh i'm gonna die here if i didn't up we probably would have kept
stealthy there's six bears we were gonna stealth by all of them i don't think so i don't know we
could have hilarious there is a do you see the origin of the bear number comes from this common
piece of wisdom and that is and this is something that you can use in your real life today viewers
that there is no matter what kind of monster or foe you're dealing with a hypothetical amount
of bears that will be able to kill them it might be near infinite but there is an amount of bears
that can kill the terrace fuck you rahua it's your turn here you go speaker look in general
so in lieu of the uh the escapades would light help at all to cut through the fog
and increase my vision rate um you could cast a light spell um that might you you don't think
it'll have too much of an effect on your your vision though here it's mostly just like the
fog itself is causing issues okay flash light up in a fog yeah no i haven't been in fog that much
it was kind of spooky and cool i was thinking i was gonna die so similar to right now
so in lieu of casting light as a cantrip uh we're just gonna charge right then i'm just gonna follow
tannhauser for once heck yeah just move 25 feet and i can't see anything so i am gonna
just move more and get closer to the bear excellent i love it i'm actually gonna move
taking some screenshots the gm view of this is particularly awesome right now i'm gonna hang
out right down here just so we can potentially flank this guy okay uh this reminds me of something um
can oran tannhauser and now you rahua please give me fortitude saves of course
yeah because the bear's effects the bear is a stanky bear uh oran got an 18 on his fortitude save
okay okay i got a 29 cool my beloved gm who i love so much let's just do everything yes would you
say that my constructed would give me a plus one circumstance bonus against the dank stank uh let
me read what the constructed gives you um this is a poison effect so yeah absolutely the dank stank you
get a plus one oh i i thank you i look forward to this one yeah it's gonna be great
it'll be like it'll be a two it'll be yeah yeah come on classic on the dice there we go never question
me again all right well oran failed so oran you are you uh sick and i feel so good bear stink
all right um so you'd moved up to there was that was that it for your go
i am going to with my last action i am going to have my aura flare to life and manifest my soul
forge armor just to have it up nice i won't really be of use here but it might help i like how you have
this cool moment but like no one else can see it through the fog it's fine it'll come up again the
bear sees it the bear the bear sees it it's still focused on loud tannhauser but you know bear um
um as it should be
okay uh i have to move one of the the bear sightings there we go okay cool um
we're in the poop swamp now all right so uh baldric as you are looking around a bear makes its way
like basically comes out of the water rushing forward i'm going to roll if it sees you now
mm-hmm and we shall see if it does
didn't want to go to the poop it does not see you
hmm uh and proceeds to walk by you
excellent
i guess i can get rid of that i am a master of king's quest king's quest beta
uh you do start hearing uh the the wood of the bridge begin to like the bridge right by you baldric
you see this sort of wooden bridge going over a bit of like a stream in the swamp here you hear it
creak as something touches it far to the north oh by the way i just realized my stealth check should
actually be slightly higher it's just not counting armored stealth it should be higher by one i mean you
do it take an armored penalty i do because i'm wearing a breastplate yeah it's plus two to minus two
no it's it reduces it by one
hey i should have 25 not 24 but that's beside it
uh the music seems to get closer and you hear these like these haunting melodic pipes uh get closer
uh but they also seem yeah to be really really like inspiring
um and in fact
everyone except uh except our good boy bro is inspired by these
as you hear this strange melody okay cool uh i've put the inspire effect on each of you baldrick
you are up uh well it kind of sucks here can i detect that there are bears over here or should
i just act like i don't see this oh what do you mean oh like the the bear markers i assume you can
like start hearing the sounds and stuff okay i'm gonna inch this way towards the not a bear sound
okay yeah yeah absolutely so i move 20 can you move me 20 over there because it's with all the effects
going on it's actually hard for me to like yeah how do you do that by the way every time i've tried
to make the the die the marker thing work it's like that which which marker thing work like where
if you use the the ruler and then move to that location oh i just i just yeah you just move it
dragon so what you do if you want to like if you want to like move up and then make a 90 degree turn
as you're moving your token holding left click as you move it press space and it'll mark it and then
when you bring it somewhere else and release it'll just automatically drag oh okay good thank you
thank you for that see you don't see anything when you get there would you like to keep moving
you're kind of up against this stream you're sort of like splashing through the side water um you
you could you could hear some of the like the ursine figures to the northeast of you probably
through the water so i tell you what i'm gonna do i'm gonna look at my feet real quick
farlober let's make their what 30.
would you say that an alchemist fire is sufficiently loud
oh absolutely like there's a glass breaking there's like the explosion absolutely i'm gonna
move 15 over here okay just so i can what where would you say i'd be able to see it from there
there uh i think there is the better option i'm gonna move there some things happen good
all right so first off you enter into the space or the re the area of not a bear where you see
someone a lone figure in in the fog the size of child playing what appears to be a set of bagpipes
looks at you in surprise as you sort of like come splooshing out um this this halfling figure
looks at you in surprise like pausing like kind of continuing continuing to play but like taking
taking a breath out oh oh hi there it's a pleasure to meet you oh oh oh okay hi my name's victor
it's a pleasure to meet your friend likewise to you
keep your voice down okay okay you know it's i just so surprised i could i was it my bagpups that
got you here i'm you know my uncle always said i was real good at them yeah keep playing them
but be careful okay oh thank you thanks okay and with that done
mm-hmm i'm gonna throw an alchemist fire there i'm going to try and buy my friend south as much
time as i can to focus on whatever the fuck they're doing and hopefully the bears will go investigate
whatever that fireball was that just happened over there so i am going to do something here that will
kind of change the the dynamic of the stinky i think you might see everything now um okay sweet
this is just to make it easier because now you got it's green it is it is all the green represents
the stench clouds of these these bears um this is my gm view this whole time but this makes it easier
so now you can like see where the the figures are now that you're concentrating and you've detected them
so now it's just a matter of they're going to have concealment if you attack them if you want
to just throw to try to distract them you absolutely can but it's clear that they've
probably taken notice of you as well so not you specifically baldrick but like of of the team
so if i were to throw to try and distract them like maybe over there or like there they would
would they have to roll to try and investigate or would they go and investigate the sounds of combat
i really want to buy them as much time as i can since i'm i i i i think like it sort of depends
they might have to basically make a will save on on their part too can i argue it's a pretty good
will save because a giant fireball just appeared in the middle of the pack yeah i could i could i
could i could i could see that argument for these like three here yeah i'm gonna probably put it
there would that be enough to catch all of them oh it's not gonna it's not gonna hurt them it's no
i mean catch their attention yeah yeah i i i think you could i don't i don't have potion of flashbang
yeah yeah no no no i i think i think you could absolutely just like drop it like there and
poop yeah there we go okay so you want me to roll for that oh yeah give me a tackle
okay here we go i don't got nothing to back it up with so i hope it works otherwise i'm gonna
throw this at my feet your feet
i am bonus inspire courage please work
yeah it's smashed into the ground um i'll roll some real saves here
good
um so two of them are like what the butts is that uh and one of them is incredibly scared
you can't really gauge reactions from where you threw i can i can imagine what it does but yeah
yeah the fourth one is this guy over here who's just like i smell apples um there's bad pops to eat
all right all right that's my thing so if you turn let's go to him
the bear comes up by the bagpipe playing halfling and proceeds uh to take a swing with its claws
how's this guy how's this guy not very stealthy he's very short nice one and yeah the bear rolls a
natural one and like smashes into the ground as like this this this halfling picture backs up into
you balder well that was a close one wasn't it yeah hey gm uh what what is the complication for this
bear they do not uh they do not uh suffer complications what if they did they do not
not the regular what if they did what if the bear just died on a natural one and that'd be cool
all right well at least that's good he moved and then proceeded to slam his foot down into nothing
yep and uh but that's that for that bear um next up okay okay okay so our bear over our bear friend
over here um well tan hazard you made yourself uh an appropriate target day we discover my bear number
i i better fucking crit you god if there's justice in this universe
no no no there's there's not there's what a crying shame how fucking backhand
targeting 10 how's are you being good that's weird i haven't turned it like the click the token and
then used to use the no i i did it's weird no oh it's i think because i have two
either way
vali the bear has uh you now are surrounded by many bears vali you know stealth seems like a really
good option about three seconds ago i was trying i thought you haven't added our funny halfling to the
to the combat have any of them seen me yet i imagine i'm close enough that they probably have
but i don't know if i'm still hidden it hidden it um as far as you can tell they have not seen you
so they are flat-footed to you should you choose to attack
well if we're not going for the the route the enemy clear uh you know clear condition uh i can
always create a diversion because i did just get two very sparkly pistols that will fire a very sparkly
bullet very far away from us oh very true very true um
i just don't know if these bears will be distracted enough by because how
you've been shot by these pistols before how sparkly are these bullets
uh they're regular bullets um i i like again i would assume at some point you have identified
these these weapons between now and the past um yeah you know i would i would um i would
argue that that has happened uh so you can fire them they're just plus one striking pistols um so
they act like pistols they shed bright light in a five-foot radius and dim to the next 10 feet so
they're they're they're bright when they're like on sheet but once per day you can fire a 30-foot line
with them that does 5d6 fire damage with the dc21 basic reflex save i'd say you got a pretty good
line up of these four i do have a pretty good line yeah fuck it uh like part of me feels like we
shouldn't fight the six bears because if you die you die at the same time that's a really good line
you have a pretty good line i have here it's like you have the angel and the angel is telling me no
you got to get them all out of here but the devil is telling me speaker d you should kill them all
so the pie brain shaped devil yeah uh our is our plan to grab the child and run the hell out of
here or is our plan to kill all these bears
the chat would hate us if we didn't save the child the nature we have to save the child
it's just a nature thing of art is like well that's nature and then just let it get eaten alive
what's our fire emblem clear condition here is it a defend map or is it a route map what do we do
that's uh that's a good point we are level five and we have not actually engaged in combat just yet
so to say like run away yeah it might be thirsting saying oh this is now time to find out how useful
you are wait you know what i think that after getting our asses kicked by everything in rot grind
up to this point this might be our time to show how cool we are why the fuck are you saying this i'm
gonna roll nothing but 20s now this is gonna turn so fast this might be our opportunity to show
we're level five now we can take the bear we beat the bear in the first episode let's fight the bears
volley if you shoot the child all right
i'm right here i'm just trying to tap the child
i've given you just focus on the two that are trying to kill you
yes i will discounting the fact that you're not going to be minimizing suffering by letting
this child be eaten by a rot bear i'm going to throw three high explosives at this bear
our clear condition is save the child and get out or is it fight the bears suddenly our clear
condition is kill the child kill the child rescue the bear it's easy suffering we have to kill the child
if the child i need you i need you guys to pause one second zoran our our our counters on the screen
disappeared we cannot see the uh amount of hero points we're supposed to have oh oopsie poopsie
oh no it's because they're stealth it's because of the fucking fog just let me know the bit bars
had a bit of issues that's fine which i think is the one who made them so thank you snowsu
i'll refresh them real quick okay just wanted to let you know that also
yes no i'm going to commit to it i'm going to tumble through the bear which bear
this one we really should give them what are the bears names thurston i hate you so much kill kill
shut up and kill i'm gonna blast you i will use my new current charge on you i'm rolling
aprobatics i'm rolling acrobatics we've got kill kill uh it's a 22 and kill
uh a 22 you say yeah is that not enough it's 22. no i'm just i'm just quadruple checking because it
had been a while i think it's just a reflex cross you're fine you're fine you're fine okay yeah i'm
gonna tumble this away to give my whoa it's slingshot that whole way hey hey guys real quick
i want to shout out a chat member mechanica snipped saying the hero points disappeared because they
were talking about shooting a child we're not heroes anymore very good
okay you'll be sorry when we kill that child and the bears disapparate because he summoned them
hey twitch are we in hot water yeah uh i i think we're about to get banned anyway i'm gonna i'm gonna
shoot my line i'm gonna shoot the line through the bears okay okay uh 30 foot line with the markets
shoot your line my dude foot line so yeah i think you get two of them uh good god
oh i'm sorry to be the enemy of the team yeah um that's so they're all technically concealed because
they're in the fog uh this is so so this is actually really good because um i was i was actually going
to have that happen but this is an area of effect weapon which doesn't uh apply that's right that's
right okay yeah yeah just so they just think they just have to make their reflex saves now i believe
if you oh yeah so uh you want you got you got yeah no no no if you if you want to explain i'm just
actually pulling up something on that yeah so feel free for everyone else here uh the bears will
technically be in concealed if you do an area effect thing or a thing that requires them to do a reflex save
or anything that has the attack traits basically uh means that you have to roll a flat d20 and if
it's a basically a lower than a five uh on the flat die you don't nothing happens you don't hit them
you can't see um you're fine you're doing an aoe thing but say for example if like for me as a storm
druid i'm immune i i don't care i just i can see through it just fine everyone else though
you're gonna be suffering because you're we're finding fog fog will give you like a flat miss
chance which is what makes fog particularly the bears suffer it too it's just i would have to hate
you first um all right so uh one of them will fail one of them will succeed so half uh can you roll me
five d six money all right oh that's a good roll 27 27 yeah yeah okay so the one in front of you
takes 27 damage the one here takes half damage and on top of all of that because foundry's cool and i
could just do this the one in front of you is dazzle which um it's actually funny um because
it's it's dazzled which means that everything's concealed but everything's concealed against it
already because of the fog very double concealed double gets back uh no okay uh and then for my
final i'm assuming i can't apply a finisher to uh or no i can't do it to anything ranged uh
sorry what sorry i was gonna ask the question that uh i'm reading concealed and says you're
concealed it must be a dc plot flat check when targeting you yeah but it's not a target you're
you're putting a line out it's not like you're not targeting i'm specifying in case we do some other
stuff yeah i'm sorry i'm sorry you're okay you're okay you're fine gotcha gotcha uh with one more
action because i tumbled through shot uh i'm going to um i'm just gonna stab this guy with my rapier
hey look how much damage you guys did yeah stop trying to kill the child oh wait i think i can
actually just stab with the the pistol because it has a knife on it oh actually no you can't sorry the uh
the the line effect is a two action so you can't oh it's a two action gotcha all right uh excellent
uh then i'm gonna do a funny little dance and end my turn cool bam sweet
um hey uh this bear begins to run from the uh from the from the fire
the dank bear rushes off uh hearing the the like explosion that is baldrick's um that is baldrick's
alchemist fire or in europe awesome so oran is going to look to volley and point to you and go like
be fast and i'm going to apply haste to you beef there you go uh you can drag that quicken thing
on chat and put on your token there and with that he is then going to look for my last action can't
really do much yet so oran's going to try and observe one of the bears for his last action okay
it's the observer thing okay yeah i'm gonna try to i'm trying to do a nature check on one of the
bears just trying to figure out basically i'm trying to gather information going like hey does
it have a weakness or anything or is there anything else we need to worry about actually no i'm sorry
i'm just going to throw up get rid of myself okay yeah get gary your second okay it's like i was
gonna look at them but then i got quietly so i'm going to do an action to rest and that's the end of
oren's turn very good i spend an action to puke all right tanhazard you are the the the music of the
pipes instills confidence in you what what are you doing time has come and so have i uh i'm going yeah
all right and thank you for that thank you uh i am going to take a little step over here because i
could teleport and get more damage but then i would fuck up my accuracy uh i'm going to target the least
damage bearer of the two i'm going to raise up my excoriator i'm going to channel my own targeting
metrics perfecting my aim casting true strike and i'm going to let loose with a level two shocking
rat nice so essentially i'm going to start with my attack uh i will be rolling two of them and i get
to pick the highest it's like good old-fashioned dnd um advantage uh so that's a hit uh let's try the
second true strike that's the exact same rule thank god those are all some blamage uh that's
going to be seven plus uh one because of they're not flat-footed to me that wouldn't be yeah so it'd
be eight damage base and now what's the seven what's the extra one from uh my uh special funny
haha clown mode that i get for my arcane cascade now yeah okay yeah yeah um hold on i i know what
increases at a level i don't think i'm at that yet okay great so gonna do that and now we're gonna
roll the shocking grasp damage here we go that's pretty damn good damn 23
and there is incredibly mold by this electrical energy coursing through it and for my last action
i'm gonna refresh my spell strike with a little thing i like to call force fang as seeing that
it's still alive i'm gonna rip my arm out and a flow of quantum energy let's roll a little bit of
extra damage with drupal checking your actions were move smell strike oh you're right i can't force
okay i forgot i force i can all right uh that's what i would do if i had one but i don't
isn't that funny all right you did it berry did it bear ahua what are you doing our who is going
to move up now that the bear is flanked he's gonna look down a volley body
you are flanked as well correct and he is going to attack folly no i'm actually going
down we got the backstab he's been buried i barely rose suspicion
uh you know uh we're done traitors are bad but rahua is urse
i'm gonna do a little funny i'm gonna hit him with the mace
ah i'm not gonna hit him with the mace
you're not you moved you you failed to hit you have an action left
which spells do you have uh none that i can cast in that time so i'm gonna try
that's fine okay yeah that's i'm sorry that minus four guys four because it's special a gilay
weapon yeah bailiff a healer bailiff roll a 14. nice i will give you il dimaggio
it's not very good that's actually pretty good because as you start down the middle you can tell
that the uh the mossy effect seems to uh seems to do a bit of extra damage to this bear
for you to roll conceal oh yeah that's right hahaha roll me roll me a d20 please and we'll see if
this this this you know happens okay uh no he cast true oh that's right yeah yep yep that was uh
so you rolled a three yes so you missed so you missed i'll do that damage i'll uh
unless he can hear a point unless you want to hero point your conceal roll
i will hero point it oh good hero question i'm sorry the same team
is or in the bear he says that he says it says that maybe i should have attacked
fuck you know you're good you're good a five is okay yeah yeah yeah it's one through four
so you're good you're good you're your your mossy may strikes the bear and causes it to
to roar and fury as as the like primal moss goes over its form and seems to seep into the strange
black oozing wounds it has and its head goes back and lets out another roar as it tries to like
scratch at itself to get the moss off
killies in the beast i have my turn okay uh well i have a bear that is now like sniffing around this fire
how does it smell fire bbq now it's time to die now kill will kill kill will move to there
will flank and attempt to murder ten hauser
you will hit wait i'm flat footed he's flanking you're flanked yep you're between two bears now
hold on a second yes now what if i wasn't all right do the damage
why don't you just don't do that yeah yeah come on maybe you just did you get
god that damage is pathetic concealment oh that's right yep yep yep yep yep yep yep thank you sealman
molding i'm gonna i'm gonna be that okay we're good i saw that one though then i'm gonna hit you with a
claw as well balding
concealment i will roll the concealment
almost episode brought to you by the word concealment that's right that's our word of the day chat
nine more damage to tan bear just one bear and airing and biting you'll need more bears than that to
stop the revolution ripping and tearing he's always been scaring the home the other bear comes
to sniff at the explosion excellent my plan worked
the the the piping continues and uh picture and turns towards you
so what what brings you here into this here uh swamp i yeah i thought i was gonna die here you know it
was not it was not very good i thought to myself you're gonna die picture and you're gonna die in
this swamp but what you're gonna do is you're gonna play the bagpipes one last time and i'm glad
i did that because it looks like it brought you into my life and what's you what's your name again
friend i'll tell you in a second scooter it's gonna scoot okay well um that's that's all right uh i'll
just keep playing the these hopefully they're helping out you know i'm gonna just uh move maybe
away from this bear good luck yeah go over there okay i'm just gonna go here and keep playing
uh baldrick staring down the bear looking directly at its dumb fucking face after it failed to like
attack this the little child i'm going i'm going to tell you right now thurston i'm going to throw
three bombs at it oh good the exact pose of that artwork is perfect for it because they will all go
into its chest cavity and it will die all right here we go first bomb uh let's see is anything else
screwing me up okay so i have to do a concealment after i do that though yeah just roll the attack
so then anyone's that hit roll concealment roll oh yeah you hit cool uh i'm gonna roll the map minus five
two yeah okay yeah using a grenade that one's a mess yeah you'll still splash damage with it though
so of course uh and then i touched that rib cage oh nope not quite okay well i'd rolled that one earlier
earlier yeah but you'll still do splash damage which how much is your splash actually roll the
damage uh actually roll concealment for the first i gotta roll slash r one d20
you can also click the d20 icon you'll add it in there no i like typing slash r1 d20
makes me feel powerful all right now roll uh damage for the first the first one that actually hit
okay okay damage give you an eight okay so
yeah and it's not two splash because i can base it off my intelligence modifier so it's actually four
yeah so it's going to be eight plus another eight i think yeah so 16 oh no because it's
eight plus four so that's 12 12 and then plus another eight because there's two splashes from
the two that missed because they still so that'll be 20 damage 20 yeah and then persistent fire
persistent fire yeah there we go got it uh the bear is angry on fire uh and
uh um but is not quite dead baldrick slaps his fucking breastplate come on
come on hit me the bear the flaming bear advances and uh attempts to to attack you with its claw
why does it say my inspire courage is expired i'm still near the bagpipes man
uh you still haven't targeted me by the way oh i did not target you and i will still hit you though
so let you conceal it i will roll concealment and see if it matters because the bear
the bear will hit you for eight points of damage oh and then for its next uh for its next action
it will grab you great i will continue to pelt it with bombs you will be grabbed by the bear
as like are you okay
oh the fire is still is still happening on the bear he will take two more points of fire damage
oh no he succeeded his role off uh it still does the the damage yeah yeah he's no longer on fire yeah
he's zoran stop helping him sorry my apologies roly mcpoly will go
roly mcpoly uh actually no roly mcpoly is going to uh attack rahua
sorry rahua he hit him with the big the big ouch moss the moss hurt
oh i saw that 20. it was close you know what you know what though you know what it's time for the dm
to roll a villain point might be down a villain point
i curse you i'm going to get the 20 this time hulky i saw that one though
nothing i can do about that and now i must roll concealment anyways
do 10 points of damage to her who uh now then i will go with a claw
no i will not very good
bingus
bing bing roly mcpoly is very sad volley we're up
volley kill him you are looking very very beaten up all right uh yeah i'm gonna
uh i still don't have my little box for panache anymore i don't know where it went
uh so i'm assuming i'm assuming i have panache because i haven't done a finisher yet
um and then i tumbled through
let me hear i think they just did panache right now as like an effect so we can just drag it on you so
oh
yeah they probably did that just to make it easier because you have it on and off so you just always
remember the dragon on you yeah that's fair i think what i can do here oh let me test this
one sec this could be really cool i'm taking panache off you no my gosh give it back oh no
okay okay i thought i could do something cool but i can't do it if you if you put on your hot bar
uh odo you can always just oh yeah token and then just press that and they'll usually toggle on your
person okay i think if i oh yeah no actually that's exactly it so i just yeah i put it on
the half bar and then there you go okay yeah but you have no yes i i'll figure that out after i
stab this bear um yeah uh i'm going to uh hit him with a finisher um oh god which does more damage
the pistol or the rapier
uh i'm going to go with the rapier because that's what i know probably the rapier because
definitely yeah yep um yeah i'm going to i'm going to hit him hit him
it is a 25. he will hit rolling with a 25. yes damage
24 points of damage for you
uh yeah if you get a three again go for the lottery uh yeah if i get a three i'm gonna leave
right now and go buy a lotto ticket good okay we're good we're good how do you how do you murder
this dank of bears all right volley is just going to brace a foot on the outside of its uh gaping chest
wound just plunge the sword in and rip upward kind of bisecting it oh yucky uh then for my second action
i'm going to whip around and i'm going to fire a shot at the bear next to tanhauser
uh and i'm taking the multiple attack penalty still correct
uh yeah yeah so so yeah he would take uh the the multi-attack penalty here yes yes
concealment and well it has to hit first yeah
uh does hit dubiously yeah now give me concealment it does give me dimash and killsteel from tanhauser
yeah exactly kill secured no i'm sorry it's only six
oh not quite killsteel uh well i've got one more shot so we'll see what
good job okay okay yeah yeah no no fair enough fair enough fair enough okay okay take your shot take
shot oh they're doing the big map now it's minus 10 but you can get it yeah well it's minus eight on
these uh according to the the sheet yeah yeah uh let's see let's see if i can kill secure
i saw that no miss no um god um one side question why is it applying a minus two range penalty
that's a good question um let me double check something are you rolling the melee attack uh no
i was rolling the range the weapon might be considered it was the throne one it was the throne one my bad
so uh so uh so you you would actually hit
highlighting it like wait a minute why the is that there is the range of this melee
that's a good question that's a good question
um favor that every time you roll anything just say it yell concealment
cut seal but it's now but oh could she'll be concealed but concealed it is not
all right uh damage uh one don't roll two ones if you roll which damage button am i clicking actually
for the shot it's i i was clicking the throne one i'm just going to click that again
for consistency bang so wait what is the act what is the non-throne thing that you're supposed
to be rolling so we can get this clear okay okay okay okay so here's here's how this works on your
sheet there are three there are three lines that you have volley the first is the gun
the second one is the using it as a sword the third one is throwing it what is the what is the
damage of the gun uh please roll that okay yes i'll i'll i'll roll it again yes that's just because
fun okay cool you've killstealed the bear from tannis oh secured you're welcome tanny thank you
to violence you need a hand here oh shit i could more bears to get killsteals uh you still have an
action left volley oh yeah i'm hasted flip uh flip no i'm gonna move i'm gonna throw it finally
Minus 15, minus however fucking long
the range penalty of dropping it is.
We're in 20s. Here we go, kids.
I hit the bagpipe, boy.
No, I'm going to move.
I'm going to move here.
And my turn.
Okay, okay.
Scaredy runs away.
Aw, save yourself.
He's got a family.
Fuck him, get out of here.
We'll come for them, too.
Hurry up.
Oren's going to
pre-range himself.
And Oren's going to be like, I'm away, Mr. Bodrick.
Just pitter-patters
over.
He'll move 5, 10, 15,
20, and he will see
the bear that he is dealing with.
And since he is a Stormborn
Strix,
he can see through the fog just fine.
He'll not take a status penalty.
And so he will then
target the bear
and then cast.
There's no other bears in range.
Produce blame!
Whoosh!
Fire erupts from his
wooden staff and
hopefully collides with the bear
with a 27.
I can't just feel
I feel like he'll spare.
Fire damage.
It does.
It does.
You don't,
because, you know,
you've got this, right?
Yeah.
You're storm-born.
Stormy, Drew.
Very funny.
I roll damage
and I do 9 points of damage
to the bear.
For sure.
I'm happy, Mr. Bodrick.
Fire.
It's constantly
pelted by fire.
But
I love that card.
Let's turn.
Tannhauser.
Tannhauser.
This time
will be different.
This time
Tannhauser will win.
Oh, oh, hi there.
Hi there.
Bye there.
Hi there.
Bye there.
And
I am going to
double move
and
since I'm hasted.
I could do a spell strike.
Spell strike.
Ain't I so nutty?
All right, let's rock.
Thank you,
Saturday morning watchmen.
Hello, Adrian.
The bears
are polluting
the city lake.
Oh, that Rorschach.
I'm so nutty.
Just in case
you wondered
what that object is
for some reason
it's not letting me
do actions.
What am I doing?
Oh, I'm the fool.
Okay.
Now
we're going to roll
damn them.
It's a crit.
It's a crit.
Wait, wait, wait.
Roll concealment.
Oh.
Okay, you're good.
Okay.
If that
if that
I was like
Oh, please, please.
I would have
I would have retired
from online presence.
I would have
cut and burnt it all.
I would like you
to kill this man.
I want you
to kill this man.
10 damage
from the
excoriate urge.
And now
we'll see
the damage here.
He's going to use
his gooch claw.
Double damage here.
And his what?
13.
You heard him.
from the
gouging claw.
Okay.
So when you click
damage, you click
damage and not
critical damage,
didn't you?
I cricked.
I cricked.
You broke your
Oh, you didn't click
critical damage.
Yeah, I get it.
These are melee
weapons, Thurston,
not spells.
Yes.
Yes.
I see.
Oh, oh, I
I see.
No, my point is
is that melee weapons
do kind of piddly
damage at the start.
Yeah, it kind of
depends.
The
gouging claw,
though, that
will also crit.
Yeah, it'll be
26, right?
Or
it will be
killed.
It is a killed
bear.
Let me tell you
what happens.
How does your
gouging claw dismember
this dank bear?
Tannhauser, seeing
this, seeing that he
was just kill
stolen, is going
to march solemnly
over to this bear.
He's going to take
his excoriator,
hit it over the
back of the bear's
shoulder, drag him
close, hold him
by the neck, and
then using magic
to empower his
hands, just snap
his neck.
And then just
drop him.
Done, man.
Done.
All right, now
we're even.
Wait, don't you
have to get one
more?
Oh.
That's the end
of the turn.
Oh, Mist has
decided to come
and join us.
Kitty.
The man.
Who are you?
Muted?
No.
Okay, you just
weren't speaking.
You're funny.
No, I was trying
to touch the
movement speed.
Oh, are we done?
Are we done here?
No, two more
over there.
Okay.
Hello, I'm
Ryo.
Oh, hi there.
My name, my name
picture.
Oh, goodbye.
Just runs back.
You're back piping
intensified.
This is my favorite
NPC.
Oh, wait.
I'm going to move
back one.
Okay.
Ah, banjo.
Well, I'm just
going to save us
some trouble
because after
the fires now
these two just
Oh, God, he's
moving.
No, these two
just are kind of
like wandering
away.
So unless you're
like pursuing
they're like
they're no,
we're not having
any of this.
We're low on
rations.
We can't eat
them, you
idget.
Are you going
to plan on
chasing them?
Exit pursued
by Tannhauser.
No, no,
or unless
them go.
In my experience
it is not
advised to
pursue things
that you've
just killed
a bunch of.
Speaking from
experience,
bird boy.
Yes.
Down in
the bayou.
How many
bears was
that?
That was
six.
Three ran
away, three
died.
Oh, yes.
That was six
whole bears.
They were
something,
weren't they?
Kind of like
approaches
adjusting his
little hat.
He kind of
has the
appearance of
a minstrel
though.
His clothing
is all torn
to shit.
He has this
fine pair of
bagpipes with
ivory on them.
Like a
genuine smile.
I thought I
was a god
or.
Oh, hi,
everybody.
My name's
Picturn
Squelchfoot.
I met
your knight
friend there
and he points
to Baldrick.
Not a knight.
Oh, I could
have sworn
with the
helmet.
You know,
back in
where I'm
from,
it's a little
place.
It's called
Netter's Branch
where one of
them inheritor
lands.
You know,
one of my
uncles,
he said that
there were
knights that
they wore
helmets like
that to
defend
themselves.
I mean,
you seem
like the
awful smartest
of this
bunch coming
in here.
I realized
I should
have got
myself a
helmet,
you know,
back where
I was from,
helmets were
the biggest
thing,
but I'm
not a kid.
I mean,
I'm 25
years old.
I've seen
life.
Oh, God.
Younger than me.
Dan Houser,
he keeps talking.
Please make him
stop talking.
He's hurting my brain.
Are you
are you
are you one
of them
them sky
pirates?
He goes up
to a volley.
You got like
the code
and the
I always
I always
wanted,
you know,
I always really
wanted to
to meet
me.
I thought
of myself.
I can tell
you all about
it.
Oh, yeah,
please.
I've always
wanted to be
part of a crew.
You know,
I thought to
myself when
I was young,
oh, well,
maybe you could
go up in the
first time.
I'm going to be
going back to
the path.
Is that OK?
Yeah,
absolutely.
Walks with
you and
as we brace
for what
this will
this will
mean,
how about
we take
our break?
Because
I love
this character.
He doesn't
take a breath.
We'll be right
back.
We'll be right
back.
Stretch your
legs.
Goodbye.
As our
adventures take
a break,
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take a moment
and thank our
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And we're
back.
Nice.
Welcome back.
Last time
we were
dealing with
backpipes.
Well,
you see,
and that
came from
my uncle
Billimus,
you know,
he always
said I had
a lot of
talent.
I have to ask a question,
are we,
do we need to
make more
checks to
follow these
damn tracks
or are we
like,
has the fog
started to
lift a bit?
The fog has
started to
lift enough
that you're
back on
the path
and things
are moving
apace now.
You seem to
be making
your way
roughly in
the direction
you think
you should
be.
And you're
saying there's
some kind
of,
there's some
kind of
trading post.
I must have
missed it.
You know,
I was,
I was in
the,
I was in
the,
what was
that?
We are
terrorists.
Oh,
tell them
what.
No.
Only he
is a
terrorist.
He is a
terrorist.
You know,
I had a
brother.
He was
always kind
of
something
like a
terrorist.
That's
what my
mom.
Oh,
really?
What did
he do?
Sounds
very
interesting.
Will I
be
rolling?
Trying to
continue to
follow the
path just
because.
Yeah,
you can
give me a
survival
check.
Sure.
Well,
yeah,
he was a
bit of
a terrorist,
you know,
one time
he went
to the
community
center.
Is it
27 good?
Oh,
yeah,
yeah,
you're just
like leading
the way.
He was,
he took
some of
the cutlery,
you know,
and what
he did
was he put
it in
backwards.
Oh,
that caused
a stir
at the
local
center.
And this
does not
preclude
you from
telling us
how to
progress
the story.
You're
progressing
the story.
No,
we're
progressing
time
forward
slowly.
We are
progressing
the path
of the
story,
the path
towards
violence.
Hold on,
hold on a second.
I'm listening to
Pictor and story.
So you said he reversed
all the cutlery.
Oh,
yeah,
it was,
oh,
you should have,
you should have seen it.
There were like four other
families from four different
farms and they were all
like,
who did this?
And then my mom was like,
oh,
it must have been that
terrorist of a child.
That's why I have,
you know,
a little soft spot
for terrorists too.
Oh,
wow,
yes.
That sounds like we have
a lot in common.
We should recruit
this man.
No.
I mean,
we always need
a bigger crew.
Hey,
Pictor,
have you ever,
you said you wanted
to be a sky pirate.
Have you ever
had any experience
on airships
or know where
we could get one?
Well,
you know,
my,
my,
my uncle Stevie,
he once told me
that there was the
opportunity for us
to go on a,
on a airship ride
one,
one,
one time.
You know,
there's a,
there's a place
that goes from one
of the,
the inheritor.
I grip him by the shoulders
and I look very intently
into his eyes.
All right.
Now you have to be
honest with me.
Yeah.
If a chainsaw car
shows up
and I go down,
you're not going
to take my wallet
and stab me,
are you?
What kind of person
would do that?
That's,
I don't have
the best employment
history,
but.
That's kind of monstrous.
Also,
is your eyes okay?
Have you been sleeping?
Uh,
GM,
I think you're okay.
Oh, yeah,
this is just,
one sec,
one sec,
one sec.
Hold up,
Sir Baldrick.
Um,
I think,
I think we should
take a,
take a stop here.
Uh,
Valley,
was it,
I don't think
you're doing too well.
Now,
um.
No,
I just have pink eye
anyway.
Um,
let's go.
Okay,
maybe you could,
maybe you could rest,
you know,
I could,
I could maybe,
maybe,
you know,
I,
I,
I got my pipes,
people like when I,
when I play my pipes.
We have been traveling
into these swamps
to find a cure
for rot infection.
Oh,
the rod.
We're looking
for other things as well,
and we're hoping
that the trading post
can ideally direct us
in the right way.
I'm looking for someone
out here anyway.
Oh,
uh,
okay,
well,
just give me,
give me,
you know,
give me a,
okay,
okay,
well,
you know,
just,
just,
and he kind of like
walks off to the side,
like,
of the,
of,
of the path,
sort of muttering
to himself,
and he starts,
like,
pacing about.
You can see his hand
is kind of moving
in the air,
like,
up and down
over a section of ground.
Maybe if we're going
bad,
a little bit,
you know,
and he's kind of
talking to himself
away from your group
as,
as this has happened.
Do you think he's
going to talk
the entire time?
Oh,
yes.
Can I,
can I do a first aid check
while we're,
like,
bumbling around
doing nothing
of particular value
listening to this young man
rattle on forever?
Yeah.
I'm gonna,
so what do I need
to administer first aid?
Uh,
so it's generally
a medicine check.
Uh,
I know,
but I mean,
like,
as far as the skill,
do I need tools?
You need healers.
Uh,
yeah,
yeah,
healer's kit.
Can I borrow someone's
healer's kit?
Because I have a medicine
of 10.
Let's,
let's do this.
Let's,
let's have the people
who specialize in it
do it so they have
use for a thing.
And Rahua,
I'll vote for Rahua
to do it first.
What is Rahua's medicine?
Let me check that for you
because it got minimized
because I have my old
absolute clusterfuck
of an overlay right now.
Oh,
your nature is 11?
Okay.
My nature is 11
and my medicine is too.
Okay,
my medicine's just a 10,
so,
yeah.
So,
and then,
and then,
and then,
and,
just like that
and suddenly a cabin
bursts out of the ground.
All right,
you,
you,
you need to rest.
Would this help out?
A 20 foot by 20 foot cabin
that is 10 feet tall
bursts out of the ground.
You,
you,
you can just do that?
Just,
oh,
yeah.
You see,
my other uncle,
Leoth,
he said,
that ain't natural,
but,
you know,
I thought,
I thought it was a,
a nice trick
when I learned how to do it.
I got a couple things.
You know,
some people,
they say,
I got a bit of a muse up in here
and pats his head.
But,
you know,
I just think that,
you know,
sometimes you gotta be able
to look out for people.
I'll shrink everyone
but himself into the cabin.
I,
I squinted this man.
Are we gonna walk into this cabin
and get fucking Baba Yaga?
What's going on here?
I'll keep an eye out
out here.
We're gonna get Baba Yaga.
We need to get an eye out for
Big Time.
The train host
has been through here.
It might come back down.
So,
we'll just wait here
for a moment.
Big Turn.
Uncle Eloth belongs
on the flaying rack.
You have a gift.
The ability to conjure
fortifications from nothing.
Why,
this would be
an excellent asset.
Oh,
oh,
you look,
you look awful,
awful hurt.
You know,
I,
I have some good words
for you,
uh,
Miss,
it was,
it was Tanhauser
if I heard correctly,
right?
That is correct.
All right,
so what I was gonna say
is Mr. Tanhauser,
I think,
I think that,
like,
you're a revolution.
You're,
the people,
people,
they,
if they say you're a terrorist,
that,
that just ain't true.
You're just trying to do,
do,
do justice,
and then people need more justice
in their lives,
and as he's saying this,
this,
like,
energy flows into you,
um,
that,
uh,
heals you for 12 points
of damage.
I'm so glad
someone finally saying it.
I mean,
uh,
if this were in combat
and he cast the spell,
you would get a plus two status,
uh,
bonus against mental effects
for the next minute as well.
Yay!
Yeah,
I'm just,
I just,
come up,
come on in,
everybody,
come on in.
I did this,
this lad.
He is the future
of these swamps.
He is.
And then I'll enter
into the cabin.
Yeah,
I'm gonna give this kid
a good look.
Are we being,
are we being bamboozled?
What do I roll for that?
So,
yeah,
you can give me
a perception check
as you,
like,
poke your head
into Pictorin's
magic cabin.
That's an 18?
Uh,
yeah,
so the interior
has three cots,
a chamber pot,
a small fireplace,
uh,
there's magical lights
on the outside
of it,
um,
and it's,
like,
it's comfortable
and allows,
like,
anyone to,
to be inside of it
and it seems
to prevent
against most
of the weather
outside.
Yeah,
you know,
I kinda,
I kinda could,
could conjure forth this,
you know,
it takes,
it takes me
about a minute
or so,
but it's,
it's been awful,
awful helpful
ever since the caravan
I was with
was attacked
and everybody died.
I thought I was gonna
die in that swamp.
I,
you know,
I was,
Mummy got,
like,
fairy lights
on the outside
of this house?
Is this an Airbnb?
Yeah,
he has,
he has,
like,
an Airbnb
even something up to it,
yes.
Uh,
real quick,
because I remember
his health being
at half a second ago,
can I quickly
brew up a potion?
Yeah.
Okay,
I'm gonna,
I'm gonna brew up
three actually
because I don't,
I don't wanna
waste charges.
So I'm gonna
quickly prepare
three Elixir,
Elixir of Life
lessers.
Okay,
uh,
and what was that,
Zarn?
Um,
he asked,
he was asking,
uh,
Picturn,
like,
hey,
uh,
what made your,
uh,
caravan die?
Oh,
well,
you see these awful
ruffian folk,
they,
they attacked us,
they had some,
some things,
kind of like,
like Baldrick did,
uh,
with the,
the,
the flaming alchemy,
and they,
their weapons were on fire,
too,
that was awful strange,
like,
and they,
they,
they came and they,
they just,
they,
they killed everyone
with the caravan.
I was,
I was with one of the,
the outset caravans,
uh,
that were making their way
a bit further into the swamp.
I wanted to explore this area,
you see.
As,
as he mentions the caravan
getting robbed Baldrick's head
tilts a bit,
but as he mentions the fire,
he sort of just goes back
to watching the road.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah,
yeah,
so.
Oh,
I'm passing in two,
by the way.
I,
I,
you know,
I don't,
I don't,
um,
I got no,
no pride in saying it,
but I did what I think
my Uncle Billimus
would have done,
and I hid in one of them crates
until it was all over.
I think I might've,
might've even just,
just fell,
fell asleep from,
fell asleep from fear
after all that,
and then I,
We can look into that afterwards.
You should probably drink these.
Oh,
oh,
well,
thank you,
sir.
And,
take,
are these,
are these,
these good juices?
Is that what these are?
I know that's what we call them
back home.
You know,
good juices.
Healing elixirs.
They should help you out
with whatever wounds
you got from the bears.
Oh,
well,
that would be,
that'd be nice.
I,
I don't want to,
I don't want to,
please drink two elixir
of life lessers
and shut up for a moment.
Okay.
He's just,
this is,
this is the opportunity
as he's drinking
these elixirs
for Pictern
to stop talking.
Blessed silence
for just a moment.
Baldrick is still
watching the road
very carefully
as everyone else
is resting up,
but he,
he talks back
to them
through the door.
It's like cherry.
Yeah,
drink the other one too.
Uh,
but so
the plan here
as far as we're going forward
is to still follow this
unless he can help us
clue into this.
We kind of have to
keep an eye out
for this place
because,
I'm going to be honest
with you,
it's important
we get a guide
as soon as we can.
This place is a mess
if you don't have one.
I believe Pictern
shall be an excellent guide,
but I worry
about the raid
that we had
just been informed of.
I wouldn't pick him
as my guide personally
because I don't think
he's from around here.
Nonsense, Pictern.
I'll slap the potion
out of his mouth.
Pictern,
why don't you tell us
about this area?
Oh, well, sure.
You see,
I read the pamphlet
when I came to Taroord
originally.
You know,
I'm from,
I think I mentioned
I'm from Netter's Creek.
It's an inheritor land
along the west.
I had to actually
go all the way
to the east
to catch a boat
that went to Taroord.
Can I quickly do
a test of some kind
to figure out
where,
you said along the coast,
which we're not
at the coast.
Well, okay, okay, okay.
Sorry.
What is your actual question?
Yeah, my question is
can I roll to see
where the hell
he's talking about
if I know where
that is on a map?
Society.
Society.
I am rolling a society
and I get a 30.
The place he's talking about,
Netter's,
Netter's Creek,
or sorry,
Netter's Branch,
is an inheritor land
that is like
along the western edge
of the inheritor land.
So it's like
when he's saying is
to get here,
he had to
cross all the way
to the east
of the continent,
then take a boat
all the way around.
So he took a really
fucking long way
to get here.
But what he is saying
lines up.
But he would,
based on what he's saying,
he's from a place
that is not here.
Absolutely super far away.
Yeah.
Netter's Creek
is up the coast.
You said you took...
Sorry,
Netter's Creek
is just sometimes
what we call it too.
A little local.
Right.
And so you took a boat,
you crossed
eastward, yes?
Well, yeah.
You see,
what I did
was I went through
on some caravans
and then I got
to port
and then I went
along the whole
outer edge
of Perdoma
until I got
to Turore.
You see,
I thought to myself
I did,
with this rot thing,
it's real bad.
I thought,
you know,
well,
the farm has
20 children
working it now.
They don't need
the 21st child,
so maybe I could
come to outset
and maybe fix up
the rot.
So,
you know,
my family was like,
yeah,
you go do that,
Pictron.
From one side
of the continent
to the other
then took a boat
for the rest
of the trip
back around
to the other side.
Sir,
I'm a halfling
who can create
a cabin
out of thin air.
I believe I have
the talents to travel.
Yes,
but do you know
solitude?
Yeah,
I can create a cabin.
Sometimes I just
stay in it
and I'm quiet.
Yes,
but does that make
you a good
and sufficient guy
for the swamp
where everything
seems to sink
into the dirt?
Oh,
I'm no god
whatsoever.
I know a few things
about the Lokes Zins
here and I was just
traveling to learn.
Roger Cox
is at him
looks at Dan Hauser.
Well,
you know,
he can learn.
We're not teaching him.
We need some,
look,
we'll just keep
an eye out,
okay?
If the caravan
comes through again
with the trading post
on it,
then we should be able
to find my contact.
If not,
we can get pointed
in the right direction.
We'll find your contact
and we'll find
the people
we need,
but this man
can create a house
from dreams
and imagination.
I'm not saying
to ditch him.
Okay.
But who will raise
his hand?
Yeah.
I may be able
to help a little bit
further into the solitude.
I'd have spent
some time here
and study after all.
Couldn't hurt
while we try
to find our way
through.
Fantastic.
The exterior
leading to
outset
and several
of the major
settlements
at the edge
of the solitude,
rather.
Those I'm less familiar
with.
Again,
I've traveled them
only a handful
of times,
but as we
grow deeper,
that I make people
to assist with.
Though our dear
acquaintance here,
I am hesitant
to call him friend
as I do not
entirely trust him.
I think you're
a friend,
you know,
you said hi to me.
You said hi to me
when you ran by me
and that's friendship
if I ever saw it.
I am so happy
to hear that you
are so trusting
of me.
Anyways,
we need to find
someone,
perhaps your contact,
Baldrick,
who can help lead us
into the seething
heart of the solitude.
That is the plan,
but we'll have to
keep moving
as soon as you guys
are rested up
and I would advise
you try to make it
brief.
Sounds like a plan,
Stan.
That's what my name
nods and go,
hmm,
okay,
I'll get some mud.
He goes out
and gets some mud.
Sorry,
start healing people.
Alack,
yeah.
Could you help me
help me patch
up everyone's wounds?
Can we rest?
Yeah,
okay,
okay,
okay.
You have enough
healing in your party
now that like
you don't have to
roll for everyone
and everything.
We have enough mud
surrounding.
You have enough mud
and healing spells
and all that
sort of jazz now.
You rest for about
eight hours
in Pictern's
cabin.
God,
that must be boring.
tiny cabin in the
middle of a swamp
while we just have
this little fly
buzzing around
in a twangy,
folksy voice.
And so all we have
to do is to listen
to the buzzy fly
or look at the swamp.
well,
you know,
it's not much
much,
but has a whole
bunch of stories
he could tell
from.
Oh,
I don't doubt that,
but so does
a trash compactor.
No.
Yeah,
but a trash compactor
can't speak in a
lively southern accent.
It can if you put
a person in it.
I do.
Technically true.
Okay,
what do you want
to do,
Zoran?
Please save us.
I want to,
I want to do a thing
out of you.
If you want to humor
me,
I want to try to give
folly a bonus
by basically coming
out with a lot of mud,
but then somehow
having cucumbers
and then basically
chop them up.
We're like,
it's like,
hey,
here you go.
You can have,
I've made a mud bath
and stuff for everybody.
And here's some
cucumbers to put
on your eyes.
Oh,
shit,
I need to exfoliate.
It's an all
the hell
did you find the
cucumbers?
It's like,
don't worry about it.
And then he'll
just set up
a mud spa
for everyone.
Can I roll
a nature check?
Yes,
yes,
you can set up
a mud spa.
I want to give
everyone a mud bonus.
If he,
if Aaron don't
gets an egg bonus,
I want a mud bonus.
You can do that.
Ulrich is refraining.
He's looking out
on the road.
Can I use
my natural medicine?
Yeah,
I'll allow it.
Yeah,
you can,
you can create
this,
this way.
Roll a one.
Roll a one
and break someone's
what I want.
This is what
I want.
I'm rolling two.
Two.
I don't even have
a hero.
Actually,
you know,
you know,
I'm going to use
my halfling luck ability.
That lets you re-roll
because I'm just
lucky halfling
and I like my friends
to be lucky too.
Damn,
let me roll that.
Oh,
God,
it was almost there.
You make a pretty,
you make a pretty
passable,
make a pretty passable
mud bath.
Yeah,
only a little bit
of worms in it.
Oh,
you know,
I could probably,
you want,
you want some help
with that?
You know,
I've,
I've got another thing
that maybe,
you know,
might just be a little
bit useful here,
you know,
you know,
if,
if you're looking,
I know the ground
might not be too nice,
but I could create
this floating disc here.
Wub,
wub,
wub,
wub,
wub.
You can just lie
on this and that'll,
that'll,
that'll,
you know,
that way you don't have
to be in any kind of,
kind of muck
if you don't like it.
Also,
it's awful useful
if you need to carry
equipment around
long distances.
You're,
you're telling me
people bathed
in mud
in the swamp?
Yeah,
it's really relaxing,
Tanhauser,
you should try it.
Country folk,
make do.
This is nothing
like a sand bath.
Strange.
It's like a wet sand bath.
Aldrich's just gonna,
like,
take his walking cauldron
and give it,
like,
a little bit of mud.
I'm just gonna put
a little bit of mud into it.
I,
like,
I want to make,
like,
have it make some,
like,
like,
twittery sound,
like,
meh,
uh,
when you do that,
but I don't think
your cauldron can emit sound,
so it's just,
it's fine,
it clanks.
Yeah,
yeah.
Because,
um,
so little of
Tanhauser's body
is actually organic,
he is going to
lay down
on,
like,
the,
uh,
periphery
of the mud bath,
like,
where the floor
becomes the mud bath,
and then just dunk
his head in,
the top of his head,
and his eyes,
because that's,
that's,
that's,
where are you mudboarding yourself?
He's,
he's,
he has to mudboard himself,
so there's mud just around
everywhere but the mask,
and then there's two little
cucumbers
that are directly,
perfectly over his already
green circular eyes.
All right,
am I doing it right?
Yeah,
are you relaxing?
Hmm,
I'm never relaxed.
Wait,
think of it's Tanhauser,
think of this Tanhauser.
Legions of people
storming the streets,
entire statues
being toppled down,
you know,
government buildings
being burned
before your very eyes.
Oh,
Oren,
you always know
exactly what to say,
and his shoulders
will relax.
Is it still,
uh,
is it still daytime?
Um,
yeah,
it's about midday
at this point.
Okay.
We left early.
Yeah.
Uh,
Rahua will
start moving
to the outside
of the cabin,
and,
you know,
is Baldrick out there,
or are you still inside?
She is,
like,
leaning on the wall,
watching the roads,
arms crossed,
looking around
for any sign of anything
so they can get moving again.
So is that,
are you on the inside
looking out,
or the outside?
Outside,
outside looking out.
All right.
Rahua is also going to exit
and stand outside
and unfurl his branches
to begin absorbing sunlight.
I'm going to be doing
sunlight healing
for the next ten minutes.
Works for me.
Sweet.
Baldrick.
Go ahead, go ahead.
Sorry.
Yeah?
Baldrick,
have you traveled
through the solitude before?
I evidently know
somebody out here.
I do,
and I have.
There was a time
when I was still
trying to get my bearings
around here
and trying to really
cause havoc
for a lot of the,
uh,
so,
how can I put this?
A lot of what comes
into outset
on the ground
has to come through
the solitude,
as you could guess.
Right?
Well,
out here
I managed
to get together
a very small band
of,
well,
think of this
what you will.
I put together
a band of robbers.
We were mainly
attacking caravans
that were slated
for the Tyrant's Guild
based on information
we would continue
to get.
This information
was pretty
accurate.
I don't think
we ever steered wrong,
but one person
in particular,
uh,
kind of
grungy
bitch
named Victrix.
she was,
uh,
primarily
the one
I dealt with.
And she,
well,
she was talented
enough at robbing
places
and killing people
and causing damage,
just generally
being unpleasant.
And,
well,
she was the person
that guided me
initially.
And she's the person
ideally we're gonna
find now,
but that's gonna be
if we find her,
because knowing her
she's probably
either got a name
for herself
that she doesn't want
or
she's
stitched up
with someone
as a guard
or another guide,
in which case
we'll have to find
someone else.
And she's the only
person you really
know out here.
Do you know she's
deeper into the swamp
itself?
No clue.
She usually hang
around the outskirts.
She wanders
where she wanders.
She knows this place
like the back of her hand,
probably because
she had to run here,
but, you know,
fallen knight
and all that.
Yes,
of course.
This place is filled
with many beautiful
and terrible things,
so certainly having
a comprehensive
lay of the solitude
would be of great advantage
to someone doing
business out here
that often.
Well,
she definitely can help
in that regard
as long as I can
stomach her long enough.
We left on some
pretty negative terms,
you know.
She had killed,
uh,
she had killed someone
on a blast attempt
at a caravan attack
that I strictly
told her to not do.
And so we broke up
the team,
effectively.
I tried to poison her.
I think I succeeded,
but she obviously survived
since I keep getting
missives from her.
Hmm.
Well,
if anyone would
be of use to us,
it would be her,
and I hope that you can,
as you say,
stomach her long enough.
Oh,
I can stomach her.
The question is
whether you guys can.
The bagpipes begin
to, uh,
kick up in the,
in the distance.
Oh,
those vapid bog pipes.
Love that sound.
Uh,
cutting briefly back
to inside
with, uh,
Tannhauser
and, uh,
Oren.
Uh,
as Oren,
you were,
you were setting
Tannhauser up
with this,
like,
absolute,
you know,
revolution,
um,
mindscape
while he has
his mud bath.
Uh,
I believe that's
where we had you guys
leave,
leaving off.
Yes,
that was our last,
uh,
I'm just,
I'm just like,
I'm not like giving you
like that,
like,
back massage thing,
like,
thumping on your back,
going like,
he's like,
man,
your,
your,
your skeleton
seems super stiff,
Mr.
Tannhauser.
Your skeleton
seems hyperactualized
for combat procedures.
And,
and,
and,
and as,
as this is happening,
um,
Tannhauser,
you're having these,
these visions of your
glorious revolution,
and then the bagpipe
music comes in
through the partially
open door,
and you hear
what is
quite possibly
a perfect
march to revolution
being played.
My god,
she's literally
just a little guy.
Uh,
we'll get up,
just a little guy,
wipe the mud
from my,
my,
my face,
try to get it out
of my hair.
Um,
what is that
beautiful song,
Picton?
He's not in here.
He,
he,
he walked outside
and,
like,
headed to the nearest
hill to start playing
so it would come in
at just the perfect
distance.
I removed the cucumber
seeing that Picton
is not here.
Well,
I'm glad only you
saw that,
Oren,
because I would have
been very embarrassed.
Let's go find him.
Here,
eat these.
And I'll hand him
my eye cucumbers.
He eats them.
How many head points
did you get back?
You do not get
a cucumber,
buddy.
Polly,
isn't this,
isn't this little
fellow the best?
He is a lovely
little fellow,
yeah?
He,
you always need
a bard around.
There's a bard.
Ah.
I've never
had a bard
on my side
of a conflict
before.
Really?
Well,
we had one
back at the old
camp,
but he was always
on fire,
strapped into
a giant metal
machine.
He was great,
though.
Parties,
not in any other
context.
Let's go find Picton.
All right.
Yeah,
you come out,
you see
Rahua and Baldrick
finishing up their
conversation.
I assume both of you
like turn to
Tusi as
as Tannhauser
and Vali and
Oren step out
of the cabin
and then you
can all say
that like Picton
has finished,
finished their
melody.
It's kind of
like standing
on a hill
and raises up
a hand above
his eyes
and like,
oh,
oh,
look,
oh,
I think there's
buildings that way.
Buildings.
Just turning.
Yeah,
can we take a look
and see these
buildings?
Yeah,
like you can
like come up
to the hill
beside him
and Baldrick,
you can see
the telltale form
of the Zapp's
trading post,
an assemblage
of old stone
and wood structures
that are being
pulled by several
dozen reptilian
pack animals
at very,
like very
slow speeds.
In fact,
currently the building
isn't even moving.
It's entirely
like standing still
as these reptiles
are just sort of
lounging around.
Oh,
thank goodness.
I stopped.
All right,
come on.
Probably about
a dozen people
milling about
outside.
Come on,
come on.
Let's get them
while they're stopped.
I don't want to have
to chase them anymore.
Good,
good.
Sounds good.
Your contact
going to be with them?
She'll be in there
somewhere.
Either she's drinking
or she's robbing
someone.
Oh,
sounds like my
got a gal.
How brutal
are we talking?
Well,
let me put it
to you like this.
If you were
an ex-knight
who had to
wander off
into the swamps,
how pleasant
do you think
you would be?
Well,
I would have lost
the worst job
in the world.
I might be
an outlier.
Well,
whatever you say,
don't say that
to her.
But I suppose,
do you need me
to do any talk
in here?
I can,
I can help
if you need me
to do something.
You sure?
You can probably
fan out to try
and find her
if she's not
out in the open.
Oh,
okay.
Okay,
well,
okay.
Well,
I'll check
wherever they're
serving drinks.
That'd be a good guess.
What does she look like?
Well,
he thinks,
he starts like
scratching the bottom
of the helmet
as though he's thinking.
Is this happening
while you're approaching
the...
Yeah,
we're all walking
towards us
while he's describing.
Well,
last I saw her,
she had a suit
of studded leather armor.
She had a big
dumbass glaive,
which she attacks
people with.
She has a big
damn gaff,
which she uses
to probe the swamps
looking for junk.
Oh,
she has a peg leg
and she wears
a bunch of wraps
over her head
and usually has
a monocular
around one of her eyes.
as approaching
from the gaggle
of Trading Post
is an
insected
individual
who appears
to be a
anthropomorphic
mosquito
of some variety
who approaches.
Ah,
there he is.
You have come
to my Trading Post,
yes?
Yes,
yes,
nice to see you too,
Zabu.
I don't care about you,
you never brought
much money.
What about the rest of you?
Do you have money?
Do you have going?
Bugbee.
A little bit.
Good,
good.
Did we have drinks?
We have all sorts
of entertainment
and minor supplies
for any tricks
you have
into the solitude.
This,
this,
this insected
kind of starts
like moving around
and hovering
by you,
like absolutely
just getting
into your personal space.
Oh,
oh,
hello.
Hello.
Don't let them bite you.
Excellent,
excellent,
excellent,
excellent.
Oh,
you,
you are
a
Kanrazu
goods.
Yes,
very observant.
You are
insected,
correct?
Insected,
yes,
yes,
I am
as they call
the skeeter folk,
but you may call me
Zabu Zasp.
I am the
proprietor's
trading post,
Zaps trading post
as it is called.
We can
furnish you
for any
expeditions
you have,
yes.
Zabu.
Peace,
Baldrick.
I'm looking
for Vic.
Where the hell
is she?
She's
inside,
but
you don't
wish to go
there just now.
Things,
things are
difficult here
right now.
We require
that the
tithe is
needed.
all right,
what the hell
is it up to
now?
The shrine,
come,
come,
come,
and like
this insected
leads you
towards the
buildings,
which again
are kind of
like stacked
on top of
each other,
being carted.
They're all on
like stone
and wooden
like
clintes
or I guess
bases
that are being
dragged by
these animals,
these reptilian
creatures,
and then
there is a
small shrine
that comes
off.
It appears
to be like
an assemblage
of stones
and mud.
It looks
almost like
the healing
pilasters
that Oren
has,
and on
it is
just like
a carving
of wood
that you
can see.
Could I
potentially
roll
occultism
or a
common?
Yeah,
occultism
would be
very appropriate
here.
Excellent.
Let's see
if I can
understand
this meaning.
Consider
the lobster.
All right,
having considered
the lobster,
what do I
learn?
A 25.
A 25
is enough
for you,
Tannhauser,
to see
what this
is.
This is
the holy
symbol
of
Crawdadimus.
God,
I hate
you.
Crawdadimus.
Crawdadimus
is an
absolutely
fake
deity
that people
in,
like,
the solitude
use to
swindle
people
out of
their coin.
They
essentially
say that,
like,
you have to
pay homage
to Crawdadimus,
who is this
entity that
doesn't actually
exist.
And a lot
of the
traders in
this area
will essentially,
like,
basically be
like,
you have to
pay coins
to the
tithe for
Crawdadimus,
or he'll
eat you
if you
go into
the swamp.
Hmm.
This
is what
passes for
taxes
in these
lands.
Yep.
How
interesting,
Crawdadimus.
Yes,
the great
Crawdadimus,
you've heard
of him,
yes,
of course,
we must all
take our
tithes from
Crawdadimus,
and we
take those
coins and
knickknacks
and provide
them back,
yes?
To whom?
Um,
to the
swamp.
Hey,
Zab,
I've got a
crazy question
for you.
How come
I never
see you
paying the
tithe?
I am
blessed by
Crawdadimus.
Can I
roll a
religion?
Yes!
I'm not
sure how
much time
I've spent
in the
all to
know
about
Crawdadimus
if it's
recent,
but I
would like
to
I was really
hoping you
would all
fail and
I could
go through
the whole
session
just
swindling
you,
but
Speaker
got a
25.
I
Oh god
and
Rahua
Rahua,
you also
believe in
Crawdadimus
as well.
Oh god,
Vali falls
completely,
Vali's like
getting the
coin purse
out.
Vali's just
nodding along
like,
oh yeah,
yeah,
I've,
you know,
there are
some deities
like this
from my
people,
you know?
She's like
taking out
your wallet
and like
Hey Thurston,
I got a crazy
question.
Ample amounts
of coin
Crawdadimus
will emerge
from the
waters and
consume you.
If I don't
roll an occultism,
can I avoid
looking like
an idiot?
Yes.
Does it have
to be a
cultism?
Because my
religion roll
was a bit
better.
Your religion
roll would
like,
so the
cultism is
like about
fake cults.
Your religion
would be enough
for you to
know like,
oh,
Crawdadimus
is this
religion,
but a
cultism would
be like,
that's actually
a fake religion.
Gotcha.
Oh,
you know,
I could sort
of see where
that has
come from.
Oh yeah,
Vali did
complicate,
absolutely.
Oh no.
Vali just
looking at
Crawdadimus,
like that one
picture of
like,
you know,
the Joker,
he goes to
the zoo
and he sees
that gorilla
and it's
like,
it looks
like his
soul is
I've never
seen anything
so beautiful.
This is a
moment.
This is a
moment that
changes
Vali
forever.
Gosh,
let me find
a good
gosh.
That's you.
That's the
one for my
dreams.
No.
Do you dream
this man?
How much
money do we
have to give
him?
You can give
whatever you
want.
You can give
whatever,
whatever you
want.
Orn will
take out
his little
tiny little
coin purse
and it only
has three
gold coins
in it.
And everyone
sees him
about to
reach in
to give
one gold
coin.
Yeah,
Vali is
like pulling
through her
own little
coin purse
just like
sifting
through gold.
I fucking
got it.
This is
perfect and
it goes
in exactly
with what
Speaker said.
This
complication
is from
Ringwraith
a 93.
Vali,
as you stare
into the
strange symbol
of Crawdadmus,
your perception
works too
well and you
end up seeing
things you
were never
intended to
see,
gazing into
places that
are normally
beyond your
perception and
what you see
is a most
disturbing sight.
Give me a
will save.
Vali loses
her entire
coin purse
trying to
stave off
Crawdadmus.
Okay.
26.
Okay.
I'm just
converting.
You are
stunned
for one
round as
you stare
into this
symbol and
like this
would be
where the
camera just
focuses on
Vali's
face.
All the
other sounds
like of
talking people
become sort
of muted.
There's
probably like
some like
like chanting
like
I'm getting
that like
anime
fisheye
lens,
you know?
And then
like you
just like
you get
like snap
back to
reality a
moment
later.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, I
believe him.
I'm going to
sift through
my wallet.
I've got
eight gold in
there and
I've already
got it in
my hand.
All eight
of your
gold?
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
I love you.
I love those.
You're the best.
It just goes in there.
Yes,
Crawdadmus will be
pleased.
Well, I suppose,
you know,
I guess this Crawdadmus
seems like an
important fella.
Oh, gosh,
I don't have any
coins on me.
I don't know.
What kind of
Baldrick
stares at
Zabu
directly,
just looking at
him with
no expression,
obviously.
He reaches
into his
coin purse
and retrieves
one copper
and places
it on top,
staring directly
at him.
Oh, that's
not enough.
Once he comes
out of the swamp
and kills you,
Baldrick,
come on.
I'm gonna...
I'm gonna...
Hang on one second.
Yeah, continue.
Thurston,
may I attempt
a thievery
to take back
one of Vali's
gold coins
in a quick move?
Yes.
Baldrick,
you're not
some kind
of apostate,
are you?
Crawdadmus
does see
what you do.
He sees
your non-belief.
Season 2,
Episode 2,
The Cult of Crawdadmus.
I've never been
so mad
to have passed
in a cultism joke.
Thurston,
do I need to
take the
armor penalty check
for what I'm doing
with just my hand?
Yes.
Okay.
Would you say
I'm getting
any other bonus
because of
the sheer volume
of the donation?
Mud bonus.
No.
All right,
here we go.
I got a 26.
Yeah,
you like
stealthily
grab the gold.
Oh, sorry.
Sorry.
You know what?
Let's make this.
fair.
Volley,
roll a perception
check.
I don't know.
I'm committed to it.
You can't do that.
She's stunned.
I'm stunned.
I am so committed
to the bit.
God,
Adamus is very pleased
with some of your donations.
Pray that Bayou
does not rise
and consume you.
Mr.
Zaps,
could I have a quick word
with you?
Of course.
Do that real quick.
What?
I need to do math
and see how much money
I just made.
I can't.
Zaps like walks off
aside with you.
Yes.
I love
this
bracket
you have.
It's very clever.
we had a few
cults pop up
like this
in the desert
sands
for traders.
But I'd like
to give you
a word of advice.
Yes.
when you make
gods
sometimes
they're real.
I once knew
a man
his name
was One-Eyed
Duncan.
He held
he held
a small village
just outside
the periphery
of my home.
There
in order to
encourage traitors
to pay their way
he created
a god
the great god
of the silken root
deep within the earth.
Folks would put
their coins
into that well
every day
in hopes of
keeping the root
from the village.
He became
a great
and wealthy
trader for the area
as I'm sure
your community
will prosper
from Crotadimus.
This is not
a community
this is a trading
post.
He leans
into you.
That is very
important.
Of course.
Of course.
You will prosper.
But you know
what happened
to One-Eyed
Duncan?
He lived
a long life
and had many
children.
Yes?
Something
a little different.
Oh.
One day
one day
he was taking
donations
from below
and the faithful
found him
stealing
from their
god.
The faithful
rallied
into a mob.
They chased him
with stones
and spears.
They wanted
to spill his
blood over the pit.
But One-Eyed
Duncan
was too fast.
He got away.
I helped him.
He was
a valued
customer.
And then
as we were
riding across
the dunes
far from the
angry priesthood
the one that
went mad
and tore down
the community
and the traitors
in the absence
of their leading
figure
convinced their
god had
abandoned him.
We let off
One-Eyed
Duncan.
He took
six steps
forward
and do
you know
what happened?
He lived
very long
and had
many children.
A great
silken
root
erupted
from the
desert
sands.
It wrapped
across
his throat
groating it
with some
unholy
power
and it
dragged him
down
into a pit
much
the one
he had
carved
in its
homage.
I put a
hand on
his shoulder
to be wise
and careful
of the
legends you
share.
Least
they come
true
and I will
hand him
a gold
coin.
Roll
Intimidate
please.
Okay.
Let's rock.
I'm gonna
put my
nanomachines
into it.
just you
know
to help
make the
point
my eyes
nanomachines
in.
Nanomachines
son.
You've still got
mud in your
face.
Mud bonus.
Oh well
I'll re-roll
that with
a hero point.
Oh god
good luck.
Use that
hero point.
Oh god
I saw that.
A 29.
There you go.
What if
Grudanda
misses
Ryo?
Oh no.
He is
Ryo.
He really
is.
He is
real.
He walks
he like
turns
Balric
you must
pay more
to the
shrine
immediately.
The
Crudanamus
funds
have increased
Crudanamus
is not
pleased
with us.
Orrin
panics
I only
have two
more coins.
The
man
you see him
come up
he like
starts
shoveling
a bunch
of his
coins
into the
speaker
excellent
job.
I have
now ruined
this
community
you're
welcome
no
you also
ruined
our
pocketbooks
everyone
else
in the
party
is like
oh shit
not
Crudanamus
I have nothing
else to give
I'm just
looking at
the camera
shrugs
I don't
know
I gave
my faith
it's about
all I
can ask
for
I'll
return to
the
group
so let
us
go and
meet
with
Baltric's
contact
Zap
like
continues
to rush
around
like
going
from
some
of
the
different
patrons
you get
it
like
there's
a mix
of
ancestries
here
there's
some
some
dwarves
some
humans
some
other
insectile
folks
there's
like
a fly
person
a
mantis
person
sort of
like
mingling
in
different
ways
but
you can
you can
hear
that
there's
some
kind
of
rowdiness
coming
from
inside
one of
the
structures
that's
currently
stopped
on the
moving
training
post
alright
come on
let's go
try to
find her
before you
guys
lose
any
more
money
I
mean
we're
not
losing
it
okay
don't
make
don't
argue
this
with
me
we're
barring
our
security
in
the
swamp
just
shish
and
don't
give
the
buggy
man
any
more
money
please
okay
all right
that ought
to be
enough
a goal
to go
far
probably
gives
one
final
look
latin
chanting
intensifies
I have
abandoned
my
uh
my
worship
of
uh
papa
storm
or
no
fuck
based
on
battles
that
actually
took
place
in
ancient
outset
yeah
we have
this
giant
enemy
crud
atom
god
i hate
you
pantheons
of
dine
our first
deity
that's
getting
a full
article
there you
go
praise
crud
atom
praise
him
all
right
let's
go
find
uh
let's
go
find
uh
baldric's
lady
friend
okay
so the
interior
as you
as you walk
in
is
a hodgepodge
of structures
it looks like
there is a
stable that is
inside of an
inn
that is inside
of a brewery
that also seems
to have a general
store on a
balcony
um
it's
like
the best way to
describe it
is about seven
or eight
different buildings
in one
uh
there are about
dozen people
inside
uh
some
some mingling
at tables
uh
others sitting
on their own
counting their
wares
counting
counting
items
looking at
some things
for purchase
here
there is a
like
kind of
kind of
hunch
backed
orc
that's
behind the
bar
currently
just
just swilling
some drinks
it looks like
most of the
drinks here
are in unlabeled
bottles
that are
mostly
clear liquid
uh
though there's
some
some other
random bits
and bobs
uh
there is
one person
that stands
out
erndale
would you like
to describe
this character
uh
yes if i may
you may
over in
the corner
sort of
this person
is reasonably
tall
i would say
probably around
maybe 6'1
at the
if that
uh
they're currently
hassling
what looks like
another bug
person
just kind
of like
you know
you know
the stands
like one
arm
directly next
to someone's
head and
glaring down
at them
and leaning
over at
them
probably
on
uh
this person
seems to be
wearing a
large
uh
fairly well
put together
but definitely
very grimy
looking set
of studded
leather armor
at the very
bottom of their
legs you can
see one foot
is completely
ensconced in
a plate
boot
and the
other
appears to
be a
wooden
peg leg
uh
the other
the hand
that is by
the person's
head is
wrapped up
in uh
what looks
like cloth
and the
other hand
is in a
plate gauntlet
on their
backpack
you can see
a gaff
of some
kind
it's got
a hook
and it's
got a
shovel
on one
side
for other
uses
and
clasped
in the
gauntlet
hand
is a
very
tall
very
sharp
looking
glaive
their head
is wrapped
up in
uh
well
for lack
of a better
term
grimy
looking wraps
but you
can't see
their face
anywhere
and they
are very
very
pointedly
threatening
this bug
person
uh
you cannot
hear anything
of what's
going on
right now
you're
probably
gonna have
to get
closer
there's
them
oh yeah
yeah
I mean
you've
set the
scene
what
exactly
are the
players
wanting
to do
with
this
oh boy
oh well
I know
the way
to a
woman's
heart
I'm
going to
go buy
both of
us some
liquor
I'll be
right back
yeah
you might
want to
get a
tourniquet
ready for
whoever
she's
hassling
there
all right
uh yeah
I'm just
gonna walk
up to the
bartender
and just
looking over
are they all
just like
unlabeled
bottles of
swill
they're
clear
are they
is this
are we
getting into
the yield
ever clear
here
the yeast
of oldest
it's well
aged
grain alcohol
oh good
what
hi
can I get
two
two
two bottles
of whatever the hell
it is you've
got here
is it
strong
can I
see
somebody
what
what
oh
you're
such a joke
I like
you already
he falls
over
god almighty
thank god
hey buddy
you good
take the bottles
I uh
I'm gonna
I'm gonna put
down
how much
for the
I'm just gonna
put down
two silver
get the
bottles
yeah yeah
you grab the
bottles
hey there's a
check dm's real
quick
yep
um well
hopefully he gets
up
uh
we might need a
medic back here
anyway
he needs a
medic back
literally as
soon as
you
turn around
with the
two bottles
in hand
as you're
preparing to
make the
moves
on this
semi-tall
really
odd look
oh I also
forgot to
point out
by the way
uh
looking at
her arms
you kind
of do a
quick bit
of math
and you
kind of
notice that
if she
put her
arm
down
to her
side
the
tips
of her
fingers
would go
slightly
past
her
knees
she
got some
long
arms
and
literally
as you
turn around
uh
you
see
the bug
person
that she
was hassling
go soaring
over a
table
and crashing
into another
one
upending
drinks
and other
patrons
and you
hear a
rather
sadistic
sounding
very husky
laugh
that is
entirely
too low
I'm gonna
I'm gonna
turn around
see
basically
the
entirety
of her
head
is
wrapped
up
in
the
bandage
covering
and there
is
one
it looks
like a
binocular
but only
one
eye worth
coming out
poking
through the
bandages
she appears
to be breathing
quite heavily
as she has
hurled this
person
get the
hell
out
now
yep
there's
Vic
she will
see
volley
first
I
want
one
she's
breathing
heavily
yeah
on me
girly
I hand
it over
all right
then
oh
of course
I heard
about you
from a
friend of
mine
names
volley
hold out
a hand
she
holds out
a hand
and then
grabs the
beer
or whatever
you what did
you get
her fucking
just
whatever
the bottle
of etc
that was
on the
counter
she
just like
jabs the
lip of the
bottle right
through the
bandages
into her
mouth
presumably
and takes
a long
deep
drink of
the drink
before it
is empty
and then she
throws it
aside
smashing it
on someone's
head
presumably
presumably
baldrics
just
pings off
the helmet
making a
d20
all right
you got it
dog
that'll be
a seven
it kind
of swerves
just past
baldrics
headed into
the
into the
wall
you see
her
she's probably
glancing a
little bit
to her
left as
she sees
the rest
of the
party
yeah
this is
me and
my
intrepid
band of
chuckle
fucks
baldric
told us
a lot of
good things
about you
he did
oh yeah
he did
that's a
first
well
baldric
doesn't
really say
good things
about anybody
but the
fact that he
trusts you
and thinks
that you're
skilled means
that he has
given you
quite literally
the highest
praise i've
ever heard
out of his
mouth
you can see
the band
just shifting
around as
she's moving
her jaw
around trying
to parse
what you're
saying
okay then
all right
pardon me
you kind of
come out of
nowhere with
this why
don't you
get your
band and
meet me at
a table
sure you
want another
drink
yes
all right
i'm gonna
down mine
and i'm gonna
go back to
the bar and
lean over is
that guy still
having a stroke
back there
yeah what the
fuck happened to
the barman did
he die
is he good
he's uh you
want to give
me a perception
check valley
if i crit fail
this i'm just
gonna assume
that he like
ascended
i hope there's
like a i hope
there's like a
team of like
mosquito paramedics
fucking the blood
out of them
all right clear
boom all right
give it another
one kill him
testing his humors
he's he's lightly
breathing
oh hey
oran
yeah
can you help
i think uh
i think our
friendly bartender
is uh
you know
in the middle
of a medical
emergency
no no no
no dwarf
dwarf like
grungy dwarven
worker comes up
he's got like
overalls you can
kind of see his
man boobs
through them
oh hell yeah
like moves you
outside no no no no no no no no no no that that that that that's ugh does this happen often
severe narcolepsy
that's why we like him
oh
oh
he has narcolepsy
oh
arnold knows he's no longer needed and goes back to playing with bugs on the floor
yeah i'm just gonna put another uh another silver down
young dwarf pushes you by
goes goes like steps over the sleeping orc grabs a bottle goes back to his table
you know what why not i'm gonna grab two one for me and one for uh angry lady and i'm going to shuffle back to the actually i'm gonna grab a third uh that i'm going to then pass to baldric
you should probably grab the rest of the crew too
who better say
oh wait who wants booze
tanny can you drink alcohol
will it deep fry you
no
why would alcohol deep fry me
if anything it keeps the engines hot
ah lubricated
i grab a fourth one
that's not what i said but oran's too young
oran he's a baby i'm gonna get orange juice for him
thank you
it's just orange colored grain alcohol
i get oran a white claw you know
i'm tired to get
i'm tired to get
no i'm wasted in the swamp
no laws
you all presumably get your drinks together and go to the large table that vacates as the tall imposing woman basically shoos them away
yeah
valli's gonna pass drinks around and then just finish off her first one and start working on the second
baldric sits far away from this contact
hey vick
baldric
how are the rest of you guys
i got your name
blue girl
valli right
oh you remembered yeah
it was like ten seconds ago
so yes
all right
go ahead guys
introduce yourself
this is uh
i suppose i should do the introductions vick
oh please go right ahead
i'm accustomed to it at this point
you've apparently been saying such nice things about me
right
yeah
you got it
assembled party of allies
this is
sir victrix corlos
ah you remembered sir this time
good good good
hey
so this is a good
uh statement for the rest of you
my name is sir victrix corlos
you can call me sir corlos or sir victrix
do not lose the sir
got it
sir yes sir
good
go ahead
i want to hear the names
you there
blondie
go ahead
uh
i'm oran
and this is benny
and linny
he brings up two little bugs on his hand
they're my new friends
okay
bug kid
great
you
tree
i am rahua
hello
what are you
kanrasu
living
space-time
bound to a construct of some sort
okay
and you read
i am tan hauser
a revolutionary from outset
and
i should mention
probably a slayer of many your former
co-workers
sir
what makes you say that
you're a knight killer pal
i bring revolution
to places choked
by the smog of authority
and i don't suffer fools
just
so you're aware
oh please
i take no offense
i've killed more than my fisher of knights as well
then we have much in common
now
there is a need for our cohort
to brave these swamps
i've been told
as vali has said
you're something of a guide
my name is
my name is picked
turned to squelch
what you might have forgot about me
hi
it's a pleasure
hiding behind baldrick
i like the bandages
that reminds me
well there was this accident
that happened on the farm
pick turn drink
i hand him my bottle
of evergreen
hey first i'm gonna roll
victrix's intimidation
sure
roll me a d20
i will add the appropriate modifier
it's one d20 plus uh
that there we go
i've already done it
uh will a 17 get him to shut the hell up
what you know
i'll have this this here drink
this seems good
but i i gotta tell you this story
it's a hum of a dinger
about this one
there's bandages
and the cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck
i'm assuming he's doing that
to keep quiet yes
uh he's he seems like he's
he's drinking because he it's the polite thing to do
uh let's have
okay because i'm about to say
you told me that baldrick couldn't kill him
uh yeah well you know
um
cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck
this is so good
so he he is he is now chugging on everclear
pick turn is is occupied with drinking for now
victrix sighs and looks at the rest of the group
before kind of just rubbing the
you know the nose bridge
underneath her her wrappings
so if i were to get this correct
you're all here because you need a guide
hey baldrick i got a quick question
the last time you talked with me
before you spiked my beer with
what was it arsenic
ah yeah
that's what that is
yeah i was wondering
is there some arsenic in here
oh i that
i don't know what that is
maybe it tastes good
cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck
don't drink arsenic
oh okay i won't do that
thank you
so
yes
where was i
you were being asked
if you could join us as a guide
yeah the last time you said you had uh
come back
it's usually because you would have nowhere else to go
was the last thing you said to me
before i
lapsed into unconsciousness
after puking
up blood
yeah
yeah so how'd that go
uh we
uh
i made a mess of a
tyrant's guild leader
how did you
is that why you guys are out here
running away
very on point baldrick
gotta say
running it's more
tactical retreat
until we can go find another one
ooh
gonna continue with it huh
i mean why stop at one
do right
gotta love it
good to knock some blocks off
people think they're better right
she takes a look at
tanhauser as if reading him
i'm sorry
but how long are we going to be sitting here rattling sabers
we came here for a purpose
will you aid us or not
oh pardon me
just having some dialogue
pity you're bored
well
perhaps
i'll hold my tongue sir
i'd hate to ingratiate the knighthood
she does a light bow at the table
i'll tell you what
you guys keep being as courteous as you're being
and
maybe
oh maybe
can't you give us a yes just for me
do you want to make a fucking
you want to make a fucking speech
this is
this is
oh it's awful
what are we doing here again
well we need somebody to help guide us through the swamps
and um
i mean
if you've got something better going on
maybe you can stay here and beat up more bug boys
but
you know
i think we'd really appreciate
the help of a
noble
knight like yourself sir
oh we need a god
that's right
and he like picturn turns to tanhauser
yeah we need a god right
yes
that's what we need
let's see if we get one
yeah i could i could do it
well you just
we asked you earlier
you said you didn't know the area
well
yeah that's true
but
i could still guide us
i suppose
waldrick looks down at him
and and and you can
you can hear the venom in his voice
he smiles up at you with a big wide halfling grin
may i inquire as to why you wasted our time
telling us that we would have to go
so no no no no no
so we asked you if you could guide us through here
and you made it sound like you couldn't
that wasn't that wasn't at all what happened
you specifically asked if i'd been in this area before
and i indicated that i was not from this area
and you made the presumptive judgment
that i couldn't guide you through here
but you see
with some of my powers
like the the cabin thing i did
i have a bit of a
taps taps the side of this temple
i got a guide i can call upon
helps me get to places right quick
if you just have an idea of where you're going
it's a bit of a wandering guide
helps me get places right quick
smiles like just the purest joy smile
i strike him with a club
yeah absolutely make your attack roll
yes okay let me see
what's my what's my club
don't hurt him
he's just a baby boy
draw one-handed
strike
what the fuck why is there a strike plus 10 strike
okay so i see
oh right
yeah
i mean i'm not like a nature guy
but i can get you point a to point b
if you need to get there
all right i'm gonna hold off on hitting with the club for now
okay
for now
for now
for now
okay don't beat me sir
baldrick just kind of sweeps his coat open a little bit
and shows the club and puts his hand on the hilt
okay
so you can guide us
means we don't need vic
i'm fine with that
oh
bullshit
thanks for wasting my time baldrick
no thank you for wasting hours
and i'll get up from the table
get going
you'll be back
all right about that
you know
but i did want to tell you
you just remind me of that uncle
i had that accident with the bandages
ew
all right
all right
i hand him another bottle
here drink this
glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug
like can he like down
oh my god
like he does like a little
what do you think
like he does the whirlpool thing
make it drain super fast
he just downs the whole thing
looks at it straight
and continues like nothing happened
oh that's good
oh my god
molly just
what
all right
i'll get us
he takes two steps and collapses
oh and
there we go
all right vic
well sorry to have wasted your time
but we don't need you
go back to menacing the people
as you say
we don't need you
he collapses
he'll take a drunk over vic
we could go for both
oh please i'm gonna get another party with him
you kidding me
his voice is gonna make me drive a spear through him
then you'll just be left with me
yeah and then i'm gonna kick you out of the party
like before
oran says
i'm fine with just bard guy
he picks up his body
he starts dragging him outside
oh that's where we'll call it
i'm happy
our guy picks him up
that's the sound of him dragging
before that
dick just gets up from the table
walks over to her corner
and just leans against it
with the bottle that volley got her
the second one
the npc has returned to the npc's location
for future conversations
duh
duh
duh
well don't ever say we didn't try to schmooze
i mean
we didn't really get anywhere
it was the end of the session
with that
thanks everybody for watching
hope you guys enjoyed the episode
remember
if you liked everything that you saw here
please visit us over at
narrativedeclaration.com
to find our patreon
where you can help support us
help forward all the shindigs that we do
also remember
that we have
three
free
giant pdfs
if you want to play
in the world of rock grind
uh thurston
like thurston and the team
uh have basically wrote up
an entire adventure
a
outset primer
and a character guide
so if you play
pathfinder second edition
and you want to play
in the same universe as we do
we have that all for free
for you
over on the patreon
it's completely free
at patreon.com
forward slash
narrative declaration
so first off
thank you odoroshi
for joining the game
do you want to
help out with the outro
oh yes
uh hello
i am odo
uh you can find me on twitter
at odoroshi writer
i was playing vali
the sylph swashbuckler
and this was a very fun game
everybody
glad to be back in the saddle
with you all
yep
yep
thank you hokie crow
for being an amazing player
thank you for having me zordon
also being amazing yourself
you can find me
at hokie crow on twitter
as well as on discord
in the narrative declaration
community server
please by all means
there should be a link in chat
popping up sometime
in the next couple seconds
as i'm talking
we would love to have you there
we engage you pretty regularly
i think there's actually
some stuff coming up as well
that you might know more
about zoran
uh but always would love
to chat with you
and as always
i've played the
kanrasu cleric
rahua
rahua
thank you aarindale
for joining us today
yep
likewise
i'm ready to be back
once again
said all
everyone said
what i wanted to say
already
which is happy to be back
you can meet me
at twitter
at arndaleo
and basically nowhere else
also on the discord
occasionally
and it's been fun
playing as baldrick
and also victrix
thank you speaker
dave for joining us today
yes
thank you for having me
it's always nice
to be back
especially since
during the break
there are many
tumultuous occurrences
so it's nice
to be back here
with friends
playing rolling dice
and causing
general mischief
i shall see you all
again very soon
and don't forget
so
sesame
and the final fantasy
14 diadem
thank you
goodbye
sesame
and thank you
thurston
for another amazing
swamp filled
adventure today
well you're very
welcome
and in fact
if anyone calls
pick turn
a gas ladder
they might be right
who knows
you might be right
you said an awful lot
of bullshit
who knows
we might have to
dig into his story
i'm sure we won't
hear anything else
about victor
and his long story
or his family
and the coming
sessions we got
ahead of us
hi my name's
thurston hillman
on call gm
on all the things
you can find me
on twitter
at on call gm
thank you all
this has been great
i'm so glad
to be back
much like speaker
i had some crazy
times over the last
little bit
but it is nice
to be back
in the saddle
look forward
to next session
where we might
be getting
into a bit
of freeform
exploration
with the party
and it might
be a different
type of game
for a bit
as we
see how
these chuckle
fucks can do
in the deep
wilderness
are we gonna
start playing
call the
crawdadamus
oh yeah
yeah yeah
absolutely
like
i have to add
a crawdadamus
encounter
to the random
encounter table
absolutely
i'm a cultist
now
we have only
odo to thank
for the fact
that we are
not going to
get an influx
of crawdadamus
related
you're welcome
you're welcome
crawdadamus
in
go
we are all
blast within
his claws
i've been your
host on the
bear
i hope everyone
had a great
time
praise
we'll see you
next time
praise him
praise him
goodbye
goodbye